kyatic's reviews
894 reviews

Gosh, being a feminist is BRILLIANT!!!!!! I love being a woman. Well, I love being me. Women should love being women, but only if they're like me. If they're not like me, then they are sexist and RUBBISH. Women shouldn't shave because that's unfeminist, but women should shave because it feels LOVELY. They should definitely do one or the other. I don't know which, but if they do the wrong one, then they are SEXIST. Here is a word I don't understand, followed by a faux-feminist point about why Katie Price should LITERALLY DIE. I love burlesque because it's empowering, but STRIPPING is VILE. Here's a joke about a child covered in napalm, and here are some EXCITING CAPITAL LETTERS. This s a typo because my editors couldn't be bothered to read this tripe either. This book took FIVE MONTHS TO WRITE and it shows!! I grew up poor, you know. Like, really, really poor. So poor I didn't even have a BIRTHDAY CAKE. If you had a birthday cake, then you were probably privileged scum. I'm best friends with Lady Gaga and sometimes I hang out with loads of other famous people. They're all FANTASTIC feminists, obviously, because they know me. I've been writing since I was a LITERAL CHILD and I didn't have any of that pubic hair, so I couldn't be a feminist then, but I've grown up now (although my writing hasn't changed A BIT) and now I have hair under my ARMPITS so I guess that makes me fully qualified!! Although I do shave sometimes but if you do that then you're SEXIST because you're not me. This book is LITERALLY BRILLIANT and if you don't agree then you are clearly part of the sexist patriarchal mulch that constitutes our modern day society. Please love me.

There is a rumour that, when asked to list his 100 favourite books, Oscar Wilde replied with 'I cannot. I have only written five.' It is for a similar reason that I can't list my 100 favourite short stories; this book does not contain that many.