emmareadstoomuch's reviews
2051 reviews

This book = THE ME I’M TRYNA BE IN 2017.

Guys, I have a huge favor to ask you. Putnam asked me to review this book way back a few months ago, and now I finally got to do it! But could you guys please check out the full review on my blog? It's right here: https://emmareadstoomuch.wordpress.com/2017/03/04/the-confessions-of-young-nero-review/. I'm so honored they asked me and I'd love for them to want to work with me in the future so please give that a like!



Although given the silliness of this review, that probably won't happen. You can take the girl out of the proper situation for a goofy review, but you can't take the tendency to write goofy reviews out of the girl.



God, I love Ryan Gosling. Anyway, please check out that review!! Thanks, guys. Wouldn't be here without ya :P

i received this book through a goodreads giveaway. reviewing books received through giveaways is encouraged but not required.

i was...not a fan of this book. it was boring, for one thing. though i also didn't love the one i just read that took place in the 19th century, at least i could call that one exciting. this one, not so much.

also, the protagonist was fairly unlikable and also pretty dumb. you know how once in a while a protagonist will do something silly, or not see something perceived as obvious, and they're all "oh, i'm so stupid!" and how most of the time you can forgive them, because either a) it's understandable or b) you liked them? well, neither a nor b is the case in this book, though the protagonist bemoans herself a fool several times.

there were not one, but two romances in this book. i hesitate to call them "torrid," because it seems like an even stronger word is necessary. our lovely protagonist (Katherine--called Kat by her friends, because that's so 1820s) falls in love with 2 uncharacterized, flat dudes she has encountered only a handful of times, respectively.

Spoiler

here's a specific thing that just kind of grinds my gears. the wonderful Kat ends up in an ASYLUM toward the end--classic--and not only is she, education-free, smart enough to determine that the highly normalized treatments of the time (i.e., leeching) are not a-O.K., she FREES EVERY SINGLE INHABITANT OF THE ASYLUM. FREES THEM. even operating under the character's naïve assumption that everysingleoneofthem is as wrongfully imprisoned as she is, they'd need some sort of treatment for what they'd just gone through! but nooooo. instead, Kat frees them all, either sending them back to their families--which even loverboy #2 William Simpson halfheartedly declares "for better or worse"--or EMPLOYING THEM. IN HER MANOR. BECAUSE

IF ALL THAT SILLINESS WEREN'T ENOUGH, THE ENTIRE CONCEPT OF THIS BOOK IS THAT SOME FARMGIRL IN VIRGINIA IS A LONG-LOST ENGLISH LADY.

it's been a long time since i gave a book one star. but man, i didn't enjoy this one at all.

2.2/5: i received this book from a goodreads giveaway.

the lesser (in my opinion) parts of this book dripped with the same theme as the entirety of the back cover: this was written by a young and promising writer.

emma cline's debut has been long-hyped, and she really did try to live up to it. in some sentences you can feel her going back and trying to make it fresher, more original, fit for the descriptor "up-and-coming."

but i'm certain cline is a promising young writer after all. her voice is like gillian flynn's, if slightly undercooked, and i don't foresee her going away anytime soon.

Spoiler

a definite plus of this book was the background intrapersonal conflict of evie's sexuality--it is always nice to find an LGBT character, especially in a book that isn't entirely focused on the LGBT experience. although that's great, too.

if i can be nitpicky for a moment: why isn't this book marketed as being a fictionalized, name-changed account of the manson "family" murders?

Spoiler

it's in the california desert in the late 1960s, russell (manson) is described in the same way, the murders go somewhat not according to plan in that the patriarch of each family was not home, russell/manson is surrounded by girls who fascinate the public by doing the dirty work, etc etc. i could go on--there's no question of the basis of this narrative. so why is there no reference to the family in the synopsis, on the back or even in the goodreads description?

anyway. i digress. another disclaimer before the conclusion: this book drags itself, plotless, on the shoulders of its characters. i don't mind character-driven books. in fact i often prefer them. but there was no love lost between me and any of these Girls, so i caught myself dragging along often, too.

but in the end: pick up a copy of this book. that way, in five or so years when cline writes her massive bestseller, you can brag about picking up her works before they were cool.

changing my rating of this book in light of the amazing Cait's amazing review. you can read that here: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1444235181?book_show_action=false

i regret not recognizing problematic aspects of this book while reading it, and am grateful that this community allows for me to read the thoughts of others who know more and in turn educate myself.

also, the romance in this book isn't even good.

three cheers for two star reads with amazing endings that threaten to turn it all around!!!!

this book follows Hadley, a lil girl who loves to dance. Hadley's parents are on a cruise so she's just chillin with a next-level disinterested babysitter (which, as a former babysitter, is a trope i have a problem with. let me tell you, if you weren't Mr. Rogers incarnate it was onto the next 16 year old with free time on Friday afternoons).

cue: this creeeeepy old lady comes to the door and says Hadley's parents are LOST at SEA! and that she's Hadley's great great aunt (or third cousin twice removed or half-cousin's grandmother or something equally ridiculous) and Hadley will be staying with her for the time being thank you very much.

so Hadley ends up at Grimm House (not to be confused with Graham Place, her apartment building) with two old creeps who smell like dirty laundry. (that's canon.)

it felt kind of half-baked and done (picture a not-as-good Coraline) for the vaaaast majority of the book. but then the ending was totally amazing! everything came together in a way i didn't expect at all. color me impressed.

bottom line: i feel like even the most eh middle grade is better than most YA.

thanks to goodreads giveaways for the ebook!

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PRE-REVIEW

GUESS WHO JUST WON A GIVEAWAY

AND SO IT BEGINS.

Yes, technically this is the fifth book in the series, but to me, it is the very first.

This is the book when I really start to love this series, which, in case you are new to my reviews or have been otherwise purposefully ignoring my Snicket-related screeching, is my favorite in the world.

This book introduces V.F.D., my favorite combination of three letters in the universe. Over such fan favorites as "eat" and "bye." This book also introduces the Quagmire triplets, who, in addition to being completely great on their own merit, in turn introduce a complex world of fatal fires and imperiled fortunes. The setting of Prufrock Prep is great. The cast of characters is great, and, with a few notable exceptions, pretty nuanced.

Count Olaf is probably at his most villainous here, because he is a Gym Teacher Who Forces Children To Run Laps. What could be more completely godawful than that??????? Full-on evil.

Also, "austere" has been my favorite word for years, and I learned it from this title. Mad bonus points for that.

Bottom line: I LOVE THIS SERIES I LOVE THIS SERIES I LOOOOVEEEEE THIIIIIIIS SEEEEEERIEEEEES.

This book is...bonkers.

I kind of expected and/or hoped that this book would be totally full on bonkers, because it’s a thriller and thrillers are more thrilling if they’re bonkers.

Everyone knows that.

This book wasn’t all that creepy. Or scary. Or thrilling, I guess. But bonkers? Yes.

It might actually be bonkers because it’s not any of those things.

I will back up.

Natalie’s boyfriend died a couple months back in a car accident and she’s been, understandably, a liiiiiil mopey ever since. So her parents decide to take her (and three of her closest friends!!!!!) on a birthday extravaganza cruuuuuuuuise!!!!

They’re not rich or anything. At one point Natalie’s dad is like, Omg lol the cruise is practically cheaper than staying home at this point!!!! To which I say: Unless you’re in some sort of strange Suite Life of Zack and Cody situation, minus the getting the hotel room for free because your mom sings at the hotel, then you stay at home FOR FREE.

Are they...are they paying six people to take a cruise?

I just do not understand the financial mechanics of this story. But that’s not what we’re here to talk about. Entirely.

They get on the cruise, Natalie is a big ol’ meanie to her friends, she meets and plays shuffleboard with a hottie, she presumes said hottie jumped ship immediately after taking a sexiiii shirtless selfie on her phone.

Usual cruise hijinks.

No, I’ve never been on a cruise before. Why do you ask?

This book can be un peu annoying. Natalie is not the best person alive (I love that fun trope of being like I’m not hot lol!! But I do have shiny blonde hair that falls to the middle of my back, clear blue eyes, smooth tan skin…...etc etc). There’s kind of a romance plotline. Which, bleh. But here are the things that I like:

1) Kind of diverse??? Not overwhelmingly. But a little. I will take what I can get because wow holy sh*t everyone in every thriller of all time is white.

2) Fun friendship stuff about ~healing~ and ~growing~ or whatever. Again, there are so rarely strong female friendships ever in YA that it’s like,,, just gimme.

3) AT THE END OF THE BOOK, NATALIE JUST DECIDES SHE’S NOT REALLY THAT INTO LOVE INTEREST NUMERO UN. AND JUST DROPS HIM.

I’m sorry if that’s a spoiler but it is truly the best thing I have ever heard in my entire life.

Bottom line: This book can be kind of boring, and it’s like...not my favorite ever? But I like the things it does differently a whooooole hell of a lot.

thank you to bloomsbury for the arc <3

I believe pretty constantly that I am stuck in some purgatory-esque punishing cycle of monotony.

https://emmareadstoomuch.wordpress.com/2018/02/03/am-i-only-capable-of-unpopular-opinions-the-chalk-man-the-wife-between-us-reviews/

I believe I am sentenced to a lifetime of reading the same comment on my pre-review of Turtles All the Way Down. I believe I will never escape my apparently unbelievably high standards for books, considering I never like anything. And now, I believe that I will forever hate every thriller.

BECAUSE NOW EVERY THRILLER IS THE GIRL ON THE TRAIN.

Let’s back up.

The Girl on the Train is a bad book. I talk about how it sucks harder than anything here. The characters are bad. The protagonist is drunk and also drinking all the time, so 80% of the hellscape language is vodka and/or wine related, and the 20% that isn’t usually revolves around the protagonist’s worrying about their (but almost always her) weight. This combination accomplishes the impressive feat of making the book even boring-er. There are no thrills or spooks or compelling mysteries. There are some twists, but they don’t feel twisty, either a) because they’re predictable, b) because they’re uninteresting, or c) because the writing is so sh*t that it doesn’t even inject some shock value into what’s supposed to be essentially the sole redeeming moment of the whole shebang.

Some of this is observable in The Grown-Up and Final Girls. Most of it can be found in The Couple Next Door and The Chalk Man. ABSOLUTELY ALL OF IT CAN BE FOUND IN THIS BOOK.

Especially the thing with the twists. There were maybe 4 twists? Not exactly the nonstop thrill ride the synopsis indicates, but definitely has potential, if not for the fact that I predicted at least half of them and couldn’t tell whether I predicted the other two or was just so hopelessly bored that nothing mattered anyway, and therefore nothing held the capacity to shock.

I’ve said this a million times, and I’m still astounded I’ve ever had to say it at all: All I want from a thriller is thrills. I’m mystified as to how that seems to be so much to ask for.

The other thing I know for goddamn sure is that I never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER in my life want to read about an aging alcoholic worrying about the softness around her hips while handling the world’s most boring mystery with the greatest incompetence ever beheld by the eyes of man EVEREVEREVER again.

Bottom line: (Michael Scott voice) No! God! No! God, please, no! No! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

ughhhhhh.

this book was so meh.

it follows Detective Investigator (i'm making that up, kinda) Adam Fawley, in the most procedural murder book of all time. seriously. if you have ever been interested in the mundane inner workings of a suburban british police station, this is the book for you.

i am not. so this wasn't.

this book was more confusing than mysterious or thrilling, and i ended up just really not caring about what happened. which is impressive, considering this book details a sh*t ton of children's suffering. it's kind of crazy to be so bored and ready for a book to be over that you're like "child death? sure. child abuse? uh huh. child negligence? kk."

please if i ever choose to run for president, do NOT take the preceding quote out of context.

also shoutout to the gender roles in this book, which were truly wildin. we've got: objectification of female interviewees; objectification of female police officers; condescension/patronizing of female police officers; judgment of women based on sex life/clothing/maternity; and just really vitriolic ways of talking about women on the internet!!!

which, speaking of: there was also some half-ass attempting at unique formatting (through the inclusion of tweets and BBC articles) that was just the worst. it added nothing to the story that wasn't already covered and completely broke the narrative flow. yippee.

anyway. i didn't hate this book but i did really dislike it! there were twists, kind of, but the twists were more just discoveries of evidence and who cares about that. whatever. boring.

bottom line: non merci. (is it possible that i'm bigoted on the subject of british thrillers exclusively?)

thanks to penguin first to read for the ARC

This feels like a particularly apt moment to say that I abandoned this book as part of my no-books-featuring-romantic-relationships-with-oppressive-sexist-gross-first-half-of-20th-century-German-enemy-soldiers-in-general policy.

Can you believe that it's 2017 and this is the third time I've had to disavow that trope this goddamn week?

Anyway. This isn't a review of twenty-first century America, so I'll move on. (But don't you kinda wish it was? Not even a little? Got it.)

After I really loved Me Before You, I a) immediately fell into a slump and b) attempted to remedy said slump by acquiring as many Jojo Moyes books as possible. And I've learned that liking that book, which I am terrified I'll reread and hate and hence will forever avoid, may have been my sole positive Moyes experience.

No, that's not true. I met her at a library event in the city once, and she had a perfect accent and was very nice and noticed that I had brought my own copies of her books, which was very endearing, and then charmingly and British-ly said, "A bookworm, isn't she? Lovely." Or something to that effect.

And One Plus One wasn't bad. But this book is.

It felt alternately boring and overwrought, and I initially picked this up pretty soon after reading All the Light We Cannot See, and it's really just unfair to authors everywhere to pick up chick-lit historical fiction after picking up Pulitzer Prize-winning historical fiction.

So I put this down for a while, and then I picked it back up, and then I determined picking it up again was the wrong choice and promptly put it back on my shelf to take up space and go unread.

Probably I'll sell it.

But in all seriousness, I'll likely have an eternal soft spot for Jojo Moyes, will probably pick up her next book if it comes out within the next year (I don't know if she has one lined up but whatever) - AND IF IT DOESN'T FOCUS ON LOUISA AGAIN, BECAUSE GOD F*CKING DAMN IT AFTER YOU RUINED MY LIFE.

AND NOT IN THE GOOD WAY.

(the other thing I was trying to say before distracting myself was that this book is not for me, but it could be, quite possibly, for you.)

(this is part of a project I'm doing in which I write mini-reviews of books I read a while back. the unintentional joke is that they become less and less "mini" with each passing day.)