The most depressing book I’ve read, it’s been a while since I’ve read something that makes me stop and take a breathing break to prepare for a horrific scene.

Even with that… I really liked it. I don’t think this is meant to be hyper realistic, I saw it as more of an essay on trauma and the lack of “cure” no matter how much treatment one goes through. Or how much time passes. And everyone around jude I thought was just a symbol of different scenarios in a victim’s life. Idk there were so many things about everyone that made me not believe they were supposed to be real actual characters. JB gets super highly acclaimed art-famous by painting the same 4 subjects over and over…? Malcolm despite being a very important and busy architect has the time to drop everything and renovate and build them homes every time they move..? But it’s ok. As soon as I let go of this being a realistic story, I just saw them as symbols.

The way jude keeps track of time in relation to his first 15 years was really impactful I thought. The reminder that he’s lived so long but his life is still driven by the first 15.

Seen lots of reviews shitting on andy and his lack of medical ethics in letting jude go on the way he did. But that is literally the idea behind harm reduction in trauma-informed care for someone like jude who isnt the average patient. It’s not pretty at all and he probably should have committed him much sooner, but it was horribly real to me.

The only part that truly made me spill tears was that period of time when jude and harold are preparing paperwork for the adoption and his state declined. The fact that something so good and happy is happening and yet he is so oblivious and resistant and depressed even through that…. That was gut wrenching. Obv willem’s death brought on despair but that adoption chapter reeeally made me so sad for how broken he is.

I leaned into 5 but seriously…. 4 stars bc this really takes the light out of you for a few days afterward…