A review by painausten
But How Are You, Really by Ella Dawson

4.0

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the ARC and chance to review this book.

I felt so protective of Charlotte while reading this book and felt similarly to her friends who were worried about seeing her so miserable. As someone who graduated high school 10 years ago and college 7 years ago, the idea of a college reunion filled me with dread, probably for the same reasons Charlotte mentioned in the book. Being seen is hard; being truly known is HARD. It leaves us with nowhere to hide.

As a trauma therapist, I loved reading about Charlotte coming to terms with the abuse she experienced from multiple people in her life in multiple contexts. I loved it because it felt real — the patterns we find ourselves falling into when we’ve suffered abuse are there because these relationships feel familiar and our brain mistakes familiarity for safety. These realizations are messy and break us wide open. I could feel how carefully and respectfully Ella Dawson wrote about this.