Holy shit, coming in hot right at the end of the month to steal the fave book of December spot! The chronic illness rep, specifically one that involves chronic pain and fatigue, is INCREDIBLE in this book. I loved it so much and will be posting about it soon so watch for that. It will have all of my feelings- there were a lot of them!

I loved this book. The fact that there are books like this where both the author and main character have chronic illnesses and similar experiences to my own makes me feel so seen and honestly made me tear up multiple times as I read. Own voices books are so important.

n this book, Hannah has lived with two illnesses for the past five years and it has changed her life. She had to leave school and now works freelance and writes a blog about her experiences because she knows the schedule and expectations of a regular full time job wouldn't work for her. But she's about to age out of her family's insurance and needs to find a job or a plan. When the boy next door she had a crush on in high school, Caleb, moves back and runs into her at her favorite coffee shop, they reconnect. They make it clear they're both not interested in dating anyone and are just friends (even though they're clearly both drawn to one another). When he comes over to take care of her during a flare, he thinks she has a virus and finds out about her chronic illnesses. It is startling for him because he lost his younger brother to cancer a few years earlier and it tore his family apart. But they talk through it and then Caleb shocks them both and proposes that they get legally married so she can get on his work's free insurance. In return, she'll go with him and pretend to be his girlfriend for his sister's wedding week to get his family off his back about being single. All of that sounds fine, they can technically be married while fake dating and not fall in love, right? Wrong.  

Part of me feels like the caretaking trope in a book with a disabled lead should feel condescending and depending on who wrote it, it could ve. But the way it is done here is perfect. If someone showed up to clean and cook for me when I'm in a flare up like Caleb does for Hannah, I'd cry. I did actually tear up thinking about it as I read that part. Molly showed such care and Hannah's experience of this interaction is very relatable.

So much of the story is relatable. I highlighted so many sentences or paragraphs and then stopped reading eight chapters in to message Molly and thank her for her story when Hannah thought something that I've said out loud many times.

This is definitely one I'll be reading again and will add to my shelf. I am also looking forward to the second book that's in the works about Hannah's best friend Rhia. She brought the best mix of care and chaos to Hannah's life and is a romance writer who doesn't date, so I'm here for it. 

Fave lines:

I like to think there’s someone out there for everyone, even if it’s hard for me to believe that sometimes.

Dating is exhausting, and my health is unpredictable. It’s not fair to put that burden on someone else.

It can take a lot of independent research and self-advocacy to get doctors to truly hear and believe us. It shouldn't be this way. Patients shouldn’t have to do their own research in order to figure out what’s going on with their bodies.

I can usually do one major thing in a day.

I know friendship is a two-way street, but when one friend’s car breaks down, shouldn’t the other meet them where they’re at to help them out?

Everything that takes energy—from brushing my teeth to going for a walk—threatens to tip me over that invisible edge.

Yes, my health dictates a lot of my life and what I can and can’t do, but within those limitations, I have choices to make. I can choose to come to a full stop every time my body shows the faintest sign of a flare to avoid any negative consequences, or I can take some chances here and there in the name of living a full life.

Then I got sick. It’s hard to be reliable when your body isn’t.

Sometimes I think the people who love us are less worried about our suffering and more worried about how much they don’t want to see us suffering.

You might think I would have grieved my loss of good health, but honestly, the loss of the future I had imagined for myself hurt far more.

Marriage is a promise to love someone, to fight for them, and to do whatever best serves the relationship at any given point.

It's discouraging that I’ve made so many changes to my life to accommodate this disease, yet it still continues to worsen.

I know in the deepest caverns of my heart that we belong together. That she’s it for me.

And from Molly's note at the end: Chronic illness does not make you a burden. It is a burden, and you shouldn’t have to carry it alone.