A review by zg0612
If He Had Been with Me by Laura Nowlin

emotional hopeful sad tense medium-paced
  • Plot- or character-driven? Character
  • Strong character development? It's complicated
  • Loveable characters? Yes
  • Diverse cast of characters? Yes
  • Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.0

This book was definitely something else. It was beautifully written in almost a poetic way. Already by the first chapter it was enticing and suspenseful. And through the entire book telling the story of Autumn and Finny's bond, even when it felt like there was nothing there, was beautiful. This book was heartwrenching too, though. I had known to expect a sad ending, but the closer it got to the last page, it was only getting happier. And just that was terrifying me. I had gotten to where there were only twenty pages left and knew something was going to happen soon. And then it did. And then the first chapter made sense. And then the book ended. 

I'm not sure how I feel about the last chapter, but I do know that I am glad that Autumn knows what Finny would have wanted for her and her child. And I also know that when she attempted suicide, I was not blaming her one bit. She deserved that relief of sadness, to be with him again. But when she found out she was pregnant, I think that she was with him again. Maybe not physically, or where she could see him. But she had a part of him with her. She'll know that he will never get to meet their baby, but I'm sure that because of the time lost with Finny, that she'll spend every last minute with this child, and tell them all the wonderful stories she has of them. That baby will grow up feeling like they had a father after all, I hope. 

When I finished the book, I couldn't even cry. I was so numb that I just stared at the wall for twenty minutes at 3:30am. And then I fell asleep trying to wrap my head around what had just happened.

This book was beautiful, but now I need to go read another sad book to help me get over this one.
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