“The fact remained, there was more to what happened to them when they were children than even they knew.”


This book had a different kind of domestic-thriller vibe than the other books I’ve read by Sally Hepworth.

She tackled some hard-to-read topics like child abuse and the foster care system. It made the stakes feel a little higher and the ending more important.

Even though I had the twists figured out pretty early on, it was still a really compelling and hard-to-put-down book. I was deeply invested in the pursuit of justice and getting the ‘bad guy’ held accountable.

The main reason a person would not want to read this book would be if they were triggered by child abuse or their own experiences in foster care. I can see how this might not be a good fit for that.



The basic premise is that three sisters (not biologically, but bound by their shared trauma) spent a few years together in the foster home— Wild Meadows— under the care of Miss Fairchild who was anything but fair to children.

They eventually found a way to get out from her abusive hand.

Now, 25 years later, they’re forced to relive their trauma as old human remains have been found under the foster home. They have to confront their past, their fears, and their trauma, as they are both witnesses and suspects in the new investigation.

“Her testimony is compelling… You three had troubled childhoods and Norah has well-documented issues with violence. We’ve also seen enough to know that the three of you would do just about anything to protect each other. A lovely trait among sisters— but also a pretty powerful motivation to lie.”



Hepworth did a good job of creating three distinct personalities for the sisters and the ways they coped with their childhood.

We had:

Jessica: She lived with Miss Fairchild the longest and had experienced more of her narcissistic behvavior and manipulation. As an adult she is a home organizer which pairs well with her OCD. She battles her OCD with taking Valium, often from her clients’ houses… because most of them apparently need them too.

“No one repressed more toxic emotions than she did… All that repressed anger and nothing to show for it. She’d been repressing anger about it ever since.”

“Panic was her constant state of being, as familiar to her as breathing.”


Then there’s:

Norah: She was second to arrive at Wild Meadow having come from a mixed-bag of foster homes prior; she had learned to use violence to both protect herself and cope with her trauma. Her adult job is ‘helping’ people pass psychometric screening tests for employment by cheating and doing it for them. She also dates, not for relationship, but transactional sex that results in handyman chores done around her house.

“If there was one thing Norah had learned from growing up in foster care, it was how to take care of things. Her methods were a little unorthodox, perhaps, but they had to be.”

“One of the things that Alicia had always admired about Norah was the fact that she was a committed liar. Not to be confused with a good liar; Norah’s gift was the ability to come up with a lie on the spur of the moment and remain committed to it against all logic and reason.”


And lastly:

Alicia: Meant to be there only while her grandma was in the hospital, worse came to worse and her grandma died, forcing her into foster care for the duration. As an adult Alicia is a social worker, seeking to care for foster kids better than she was.

“Alicia wasn’t known for her wise, well-thought-out decisions. She was the one who threw caution to the wind, who took risks, who acted first and thought of the consequences later.”

“If there was one thing foster kids needed, it was fight.”


Jessica takes charge, Norah was the fight, and Alicia was the heart.

It was heartbreaking to read about their stories— what led them there— and what happened to them after.

Hearing four-year-old Jessica think that her mother died of sadness and worrying that she might too if she was too sad just wrenches you.

“Jessica didn’t know you could die from being sad. She remembered being very careful not to cry about her mother in case she died too.”

Even though I don’t share Norah’s love of dogs or care for some of her decisions, when you read a story like this you really love a character like Norah. Her strength and her fight is essential and it bolsters the reader and gives us hope that she won’t let her or her sisters be taken down. You cheer for her fight, for her resilience, for her spirit.

I love how Hepworth shows how even in trauma, relationships matter so much. Their sisterhood was what got them through. They had each other. Resilience is a really interesting and inspiring thing to study in real life when you hear people’s stories and how they came out of it.



The chapters of the book go back and forth between present and ‘before’ and change between the three sisters’ POVs. Hepworth did a good job of writing distinct voices for each character.

We also have these ‘mysterious’ chapters of a woman speaking with a therapist about her childhood. We aren’t told right away who it is, and even after we find that out, there is suspicion to be cast on the verity of what we are reading.

[I have a spoiler comment about that at the very end of this review.]



I don’t know much about the foster care system and how it differs (or not) from the US to Australia, but I think Hepworth did a good job in her portrayal. Obviously the story revolved around the hellish side of foster care, but she also shows Alicia as a social worker and really caring about the kids and wanting to sincerely help them.

I know several families who do foster care. In the healthy and right way. Hepworth acknowledges the ‘heroes’ of the foster care system in her acknowledgements at the back of the book which I think is important. It’s not all bad. And there are lots of people who are diligently fighting for these kids and for making the system better that we can’t forget about that side too.



It was really poignant to ponder how the social workers had told the girls they were ‘lucky’ to find that home with Miss Fairchild.

Jessica contemplates it: “If you were lucky, it implied that your good fortune hadn’t been earned. You couldn’t question it, or take it for granted. You had to be grateful. Because what had been given to you could just as easily be taken away.”

I like how Alicia is honest about it with the kids she works with: “Trish is a wonderful foster mother, and it’s very generous of her to keep you on [after you turn 18]. but you’re not lucky. You lost your parents. You lost your grandmother. You’ve spent the last few years living in uncertainty. Having a stable home until you finish school is actually a lot less than you deserve.”

“Love and security were the most basic of rights. Forcing these kids to believe they were lucky to have that was even more damaging than what some of them experienced in care.”

It really puts things into perspective, doesn’t it?

It reminds me of my significant role as a mother and the job and privilege I have to be the adult in my home to provide a safe, secure, and loving environment for my kids. Being a parent is much more than that but it can’t be less. And the significance of that is monumental. My heart aches for the children, young and old, who have been robbed of those basic needs.

Whether tragedy or parental neglect and selfishness, so many kids have been led to believe that they are not worthy of love. That they have to earn it and that it can easily be taken away.

More than anything I pray those kids find Jesus. He is the only one who will never disappoint and the hope he brings more than makes up for the losses they’ve endured. In him they find unconditional love, joy, grace, peace, mercy, comfort, patience, kindness, and gentleness. And his hope is secure- it can’t be taken and it can’t even be earned. It’s only a gift to be received. An eternal home for them to belong and be cherished.

To know how much I’ve found in Jesus, I can’t imagine how freeing and life-changing that would be for someone who never even knew a shadow of that love and security!

The Bible even uses the language of adoption when it comes to being part of his family. Each of us is grafted in, adopted as sons and daughters! (Romans 8:14-19; Ephesians 1:5; Galatians 4:5-7; Psalm 27:10)

At the very least, I hope if you read this book it can cause you to pray for the foster kids and families in your community.



Recommendation

This is a heavier book than some of her others and at times hard to read. But if these topics aren’t triggers for you, I would recommend this book.

It’s a fast-paced story with characters that will have you investing in either their triumph or their demise.

It reminded me a little bit of Ashley Audrain’s The Push.

Hepworth, of course, has her signature ‘gasp-inducing’ last chapter, but I feel satisfied with the ending and my spoiler comment below will explain why.


[Content Advisory: 24 f-words, 18 s-words; a little bit of sexual content in the form of a brief sex scene and a character sexting; two characters are in a lesbian relationship and it’s a somewhat prominent part of the book]


SPOILER COMMENT

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[ Okay so let me just talk about Dr. Warren for a sec. At first blush he is a terrible therapist and we eventually find out that Fairchild is playing him and manipulating him to better her defense at trial because he’s a sadistic pervert. BUT… I have a different theory. 

And this is where I’ve landed because I think it’s plausible, but also because this kind of story requires justice in a big way and for me to end the book thinking Fairchild is getting off is just not going to work. 

So here’s the deal… Dr. Warren isn’t incompetent.. he’s actually brilliant and devious. He knows what she is and he knows how to get her to talk. HE is playing HER. She thinks she has pulled one over on him, but I picture her experiencing a rude awakening when he’s actually gotten her to confess something in her sessions that he is able to help the prosecutor use to put her away for a long time. She was arrogant and thought she could get away with it, but nope. She dug her own grave. 

Dr. Warren was pretending because he could see through her; he wasn’t pervertly drawn into her antics. Somehow he has trapped her in her own game. And justice is served. 

Hepworth leaves this up to the imagination and this is what I’ve come up with. Feel free to adopt this theory as well. 

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SPOILER OVER