“As I passed below the haloes of the green and red traffic signals, I was taken by this strange view of the evening, the city streets full of people— people waiting, the people they were waiting for, people out to eat together, people going somewhere together, people heading home together. I allowed my thoughts to settle on the brightness filling their hearts and lungs, squinting as I walked along and counted all the players of this game I would never play.”

What a mindfuck to finish this book and see Mitski on the same day (her performance was very fitting to the vibes of this book)

Kawakami is something else entirely! Her manner of writing is so brilliant to me. Much like Breast & Eggs, the main character is involved with books as a career, which i think she likes to incorporate because of her own life, and much like Heaven, theres a single, unnecessarily extra sexual moment in the book that comes really out of the blue.

One thing though - the representation of alcoholism was a tad unrealistic. The way Fuyoko fell INTO the addiction is realistic, but her way of thinking and the way she comes out of it is not realistic at all - i’m not sure if the depression at the end was meant to be part withdrawal symptoms, but no clear mention was made of her alcohol issue after she quit “for” Matsusuke.

Obviously the ending was literally so shocking and heartbreaking for the poor girl. Hijiri is also a twat at the end but I loved her development from someone Fuyoko idolised to someone she disagreed with, but I can see where Hijiri symphasisers come from.

Also, how come Matsusuke knows so much about physics and the light if he wasnt really a physics teacher? Also, why lie? Why the scar? So many unaswered questions - but still, really good! Those things arent the main point anyway!