“There’s really no point in asking what if? The only question worth asking is: what’s next?”

“How boring does your sex life have to be for a blow job to count as the height of unimaginable depravity”

“I’ve played pianos, I’ve jumped on pianos, I’ve fallen off pianos and I’ve pushed a piano into the crowd, hit a member of the audience with it and spent the rest of the night frantically apologizing to them.”

“After a while, the only presents I wanted were records and books.”

“You may still be standing, dear,’ it read, ‘but the rest of us are on the fucking floor.”