This book fucked me up.

This was absolutely nothing like I was expecting. There's a warning in the beginning for triggers that's vague, but I still wasn't anticipating it being this dark. And let me tell you, it was dark. And painful, and depressing, and triggering. I really struggled for a good chunk of it, yet I was unable to put the book down. It's 700 pages, and I read it in a little over 24 hours. It fucking hurt to read though, I felt like I was getting stabbed through the heart a few times (is that dramatic? yes)

Definitely do not go into this without being prepared for some heavy heavy shit. This book is long, angsty, heartbreaking, maddening, but somehow still hopeful and sweet.

Some of my favorite things about this...
THE DISABILITY REP!!
So unexpected, but so lovely and handled incredibly well. (very minor spoiler here) I loved Josh's conversation about them both being disabled. It made me so so happy to see, and is probably a part of a book I will never forget.

I really loved how everything was slowly revealed, and the book was constantly throwing me through a loop, and making unexpected turns.

It was way too long, and honestly think it would have been better as a duology after the "main" event halfway through, I also think the ending was drawn out and a tad unnecessary but overall this took me completely by surprise, and as tough as it was to read I really loved it.