If The Martian and The Lunar Chronicles had a baby with a filing cabinet - presumably following a MAJOR and deeply disturbing genetic breakthrough - and that baby was cousins with The Cobra Event, then this is that.



https://emmareadstoomuch.wordpress.com/2017/04/17/illuminae-review/

I should probably take that paragraph out, for sheer coherency purposes, but I think it serves as a good warning for what this review is going to be like. I literally have no idea how I feel about this book. None. Zip. Zero. For everything wonderful about this that, like, transcended the parameters of YA or whatever, there was something so insanely typical it was like a fire ax to the gut. (Why do I insist upon making book references in every review? The same answer as most questions about me - I think I’m funny.) This book is like the cornballer from Arrested Development: on the one hand, delicious deep fried cornballs. On the other hand, THIRD DEGREE BURNS.



I mean, you can’t write a review of this guy without diving into how amazing the structure is. Insanely creative - chat logs, surveillance summaries, medical records. If you can flip through this book without smiling into an unseen camera, Parks and Recreation style, then I don’t want to know you. Example:



Wow, when I’m two for two on comedy TV show references you know it’s quite a review. But anyway, there are downsides to that structure. It’s impossible, absolutely, to get a full look at more than a handful of characters. I’d argue we get three: Kady, Ezra (kinda) and AIDAN. It works out well for them, but for everyone else it’s DETRIMENTAL. Impossible to tell whether people are good or not, or even get an understanding behind their decision making. Which is, you know, tiring.



Also, it makes the storyline really confusing. I’m still not 100% sure what happened. Like, the science (or quasi-science) is on the level of The Martian, but without all the explaining for plebeians like me. And at least The Martian takes place in our world! Worldbuilding is incredibly difficult when it’s done through 75% instant messaging. They should’ve thrown a few more Wikipedia articles in there.



I’ll just let this review be unstructured since this book has no problem with doing that and discuss characters now. First up: Ezra, who I maybe love. Kid’s got jokes! This book actually made me chuckle a bunch of times, which was fabulous because I never laugh at books. Anyway, Ezra was funny, so I liked him. There really wasn’t much more to him. Hopefully he gets more traits in Gemina, and I can determine if he’s getting added to my favorite male characters list. Even if his relationship with Kady was annoying and gag worthy 100% of the time. NOT EVERY YA BOOK HAS TO HAVE A ROMANCE 2K17 (Or they don't have to be so heteronormative. Read the lovely Sana's review for her ships from this book, which would TOTALLY BE BETTER.)



So yeah, uh, Kady. Oh, that YA trope of a girl so beautiful that every guy who sees her falls in love with her…why won’t you just f*cking die? Without spoiling anything, I’ll say that there are three dudes (?) in this book who fall so irrevocably in love with the girl that they are willing to die for her. Which is a f*cking lot. That’s not even including general compliments, of which there are an impressive amount considering the limited perspectives of this book.



Kady also has like, three different identities throughout this. Ooh, one for each of the men who loves her! I like the one she is in the very last chat log of the book - which is to say, a badass. All the others are an unrealistic level of strength/rebellion/mental cunning for an untrained, self-admittedly unathletic, supposedly normal adolescent girl. SHE NEVER EVEN EATS OR SLEEPS. Reality becomes totally suspended in the last half of this book.



Oh, but AIDAN just rocks. Is he a villain? I don’t know, but for the ease of writing this I’m going to say that he is. AND THERE HAS NEVER BEEN A BETTER VILLAIN.

Spoiler

I am so, so glad he survived, because he was just awesome.

He’s so fun. I loved reading from his perspective - which was good, because that could happen for, like, a hundred pages at a time. Especially refreshing when I just wanted to shut Kady up for a freaking SECOND.



I just absolutely hated Byron, though. Some gross tech guy in his mid to late twenties deciding he's fallen in love with a seventeen year old trainee? Haven’t we all been there. Oh, we haven’t? That’s just a situation alarmingly similar to one I was in when I was seventeen? Got it. Cool. Either way, it’s f*cking creepy.



Anyways, as I see it, there are three unique plot twists in this story. Two are totally, full on predictable, in my opinion. (I’m not good at detecting plot twists so this is saying something.) One of them may have been intended to be predictable:

Spoiler

The fact that AIDAN was impersonating Ezra - was I the only one who noticed the personality difference? Especially that fuckin’ portrait.

The fact that

Spoiler

Ezra was never dead was SO obvious: one, of course AIDAN would lie, and two, no way would such a central character be given such a casual death.

But it being

Spoiler

Ezra’s mom who was requesting the files was WILD. I loved it and did not see it coming AT ALL.

Okay...I think I’ve just about covered my problems with it. Writing this review has been as exhausting as this book at its low points. Urgh, being negative is so much easier than being positive.



Let me try to explain the good parts of this book. The ones I haven’t touched on yet. One, it could be so CREEPY. And the creepiness was ingenious. Just done so well. I don’t normally like scary stuff, but I liked this for how smart it was. Also, ya gotta give this book props for how hard it must have been to write. And for coming up with AIDAN. It was just a fun and unique time. I’ll definitely pick up the sequel. (I’m having a hard time saying nice things. And it’s not because I didn’t like it. As Kady would say, “I’m so bad at this.”)

Bottom line: I’m not going to say whether to try this book or not. I can see why people really love it, but I can also see how it’s really, really possible not to. It’s an absolute Experience. I had fun with it.