I picked this up because the title spoke to me. “Drowning” feels like a very accurate description of my life and my mental and emotional state right now, and housekeeping is most definitely not getting done. I read the beginning of the back cover just to make sure the author wasn’t one of those “your feelings are wrong, run five miles and eat 50 pounds of kale!” types, and when I got to “postpartum depression and ADHD” I decided this author does in fact know what drowning feels like and I needed to read it immediately. 

I got this from the library as an audiobook. It’s about three hours long, and since I listen at 1.75x speed I blazed through it in under two hours. The only reason I finished it was because it was so short. I kept mentally telling the book to hurry up – Stop telling me to be nice to myself and get to the part where you give me the strategies for keeping my dishes washed and my floors clean. I got to the end highly disappointed. There were some good ideas for keeping up with the bare minimum to make your house livable, but the bulk of it was about self-compassion, giving up on perfect in favor of functional, and letting yourself do next to nothing if that’s all you can do. I have never been (or, I suppose, have never been allowed to be) a bare-minimum person. I came to this book looking for tools and tips to make sure the dishes get done every day despite being disabled and working 60-70 hours a week. I did not come to this book to be told that I should have compassion for the struggles I’m going through and that deep cleaning the oven doesn’t matter right now. It was very unhelpful and not at all what I wanted. 

Then the next day, I read it again. Something about letting the information sit for a day (and reading Tired as F*ck in the meantime) made one particular point sink in. There’s a part in How to Keep House While Drowning where K.C. recommends taking something off your to-do list if you consistently avoid doing it. When she tells that to people, they tend to respond with something like, “But if I take it off my list, it won’t get done!” and she points out that it’s not getting done either way, but if you take it off the list you’re not beating yourself up about it. I’ve been beating myself up over not getting housekeeping stuff done. If it’s not going to get done either way, I might as well not be mean to myself about it. 

So I read this book for a second time, and it turns out it’s fantastic. If you can get past the knee-jerk reaction of “I didn’t ask to be told to be nice to myself, I asked for tricks to achieve the impossible standards I hold myself to,” this is exactly what this book’s target audience (myself included) needs to hear.Because between my disability, my two jobs adding up to 70-hour workweeks, and ordinary things like keeping myself fed and showered, who really cares if the computer desk gets a little dusty? I’ve determined that my bare minimum includes keeping one frying pan and one saucepan clean, the kitchen trash not overflowing, enough clear counter space to put a cutting board, the table clear enough to sit down a plate, and a path swept through the main walking areas of the house. If the dirty lemonade pitcher sits on the counter for a few months and a little soap scum builds up on the bathroom sink, oh well. K.C. said her bedroom is a sanctuary because she’s given her bathroom permanent permission to look like a rabid racoon lives there. When you’re drowning, you gotta prioritize. And for me, it’s a lot more important to be able to put a plate on the dining room table than make sure all the pots are washed and put away. 

It’s hard to keep this from being a very personal review, because I found this a very personal book. I absoutely would have read it three times if I hadn’t checked it out from the library on a shortened lending period loan. Once I got past the knee-jerk reaction that it wasn’t what I wanted, it was exactly what I needed. It’s not going to tell you the One Magical Secret to achieving your high standards during a rough time. It is going to give you permission to forget about other people’s standards and just do what’s most essential for you right now. And that is invaluable.