Honest, funny, and all too close to home, Adam Sass stuns yet again in a thorny romance about curses, love, and the raw emotion of dealing with a brain that would rather be a beast than a bunny.
Grant would rather stay hidden in his depression pit, yet ends up instead at the suggestion of his family, helping to facelift and bring back from despair his aunt's vineyard and B&B. Add in one hot gardener who is also his ex best friend, and who broke his heart and things get...complicated. And very, very, messy. Sass has such a unique writing style and I've yet to find another author who so perfectly captures complex and messy characters who aren't perfect. Characters who are terribly, honestly human, and struggling to figure themselves out. When I think of writers who capture (my at least), queer experience, Sass is always at the forefront of my mind.
Part of the reason I had trouble with Grant as a character at times, is because it is never easy reading a book that is basically holding a mirror to yourself and all of your (quite frankly unresolved) issues. I myself struggle will pulling frequent "Grant moments", retreating from the world for weeks or months, only emerging like a shade to sometimes eat, and haunt my apartment like a wraith of some terribly dramatic play or period drama.
A quote that very succinctly captures who Grant is at a character, in all his glory and mental health issues:
"I emerged from a three-day depression hole less than an hour ago, and I'm still gonna be the cutest one in the room. Who else but me? I can do it all! Lowest lows, highest highs."
There were moments when reading, when I turned and looked at a non existent camera b, as if to say, 'I feel attacked right now', because so many moments it felt more as if Grant's growth and troubles was parallel to my stupid brain and everything I struggle with. Even at times where I wanted to bemoan how messy he was being, or get annoyed at his pettiness or jealousy, I had to take a step back and think, 'no but for real, I would/have done the same thing.'
I really enjoyed the depictions of food and the messy family relationships. I did grow quite hungry reading this, which is always a sign that that the prose and imagery had thoroughly reached my appetite. Speaking of hungry, the boys in this book were Thirsty, with a capital T. The chemistry between Grant and Ben was written so well, it didn't feel forced or out of nowhere. Their banter and flirting was done so well, reading two characters fight against their own yearning and feelings is always such a treat when they finally come together.
One more quick thing I loved, the mention of therapy, medication, and the very real reality of dealing with mental health and the never ending journey that is. Spot on in a way that was so raw and honest, yet again hitting me in my chest because it so very much resembled my own.
"She's such a good friend- no matter how long we go without talking, she's there for me when I come back." This is another sentence that felt like it was plucked straight from my life, and perfectly encompasses anyone who has those who stick by you even when you tend to ghost everyone at frequent occurrences.
I think it could be argued that there were moments when Sass took out a proverbial soap box, to educate the reader as much as characters in the story, such as when talking about how to give space to a queer child. Though I won't lie, it was healing, cathartic and realistic in how the family interacted. Especially how Grant was able to pinpoint that his nephew would be having a when not if coming out.
At the same time, there are a times sentences like this, where words like 'my thorniest thorn', and 'childhood ashes like phoenixes,' were likely intended to be taken seriously but it was difficult too.
He saw my weirdest, most serial-killer behavior- my thorniest thorn-and it only made him want to help me more....Adult Ben and Adult Grant have emerged from our childhood ashes like phoenixes." These moments and other moments of choice writing broke me out of my reading at times to just blink, pulled out of the immersive story I had been so far loving.
I did find the ending one of the weakest parts of the book, apart from how perfectly everything lined up and how the main characters were perfectly fine with wearing someone else's robes and staying in a stranger's apartment, it lacked what the rest of the story had in terms of strong writing and felt a bit plot convenient. (On the other hand I am torn because I am always delighted to read a queer story where there is a happy ending and no one is killed off or other angsty things happen. (Looking at you, nearly every show ever with queer characters!) If the last chunk had stayed as strong and consistent as the rest of the book, this would have easily been a five star read for me.

I do recommend this book, especially perfect for fans of Adam Sass's writing style, this story is sweet and full bodied, worth every page.

Thank you to Penguin for this ARC, NOTE any quotes are subject to change since this is an ARC that I read and reviewed