I originally wrote a whole other review for this book, but I decided to rewrite it and attempt to better express my thoughts. The short review for this book is that I did not enjoy one second of it; I think I can comfortably say that I hated it. It was a struggle to read from start to finish, and whether that was simply the author’s style of writing or the translation, I’m not quite sure. I picked up this book after someone on TikTok talked about it and explained the story of how the author wrote it while in prison – the story about how he wrote the book and shared it amongst the other prisoners within pieces of dough/plastic was really interesting. I’d hoped this book would reflect that. 

Pros: As someone who is actively trying to learn more about Palestine and its history of attempting to survive under a colonizing oppressor, I think this was an interesting way to tell a story of the resistance during the 1980/early 90s. I thought the way the main character’s (Kan’an) clandestine life was represented was well done; his thoughts while living alone and generally separated from the world around him and the people he was working to free were well depicted. That chaotic spectrum of all emotions. I liked the switches from storytelling to his internal monologue. Kan’an’s perspectives of different events occurring in that region during his clandestine life (such as the Intifada and the Gulf War) were also fascinating, especially looking at them from the outside looking in like I was as the reader. 

Cons: I found this book grossly misogynistic in ways that were so clearly written by a man. There’s a level of male arrogance throughout the book that bleeds into parts of the story in infuriating ways; Kan’an clearly thinks he’s better than everyone else because he’s a clandestine operator in the resistance and has been so for almost a decade. I felt that he had this sort of derision toward anyone who chose a “normal” life; this is especially seen in his long-held disdain toward his ex, Muna. This superior attitude really shone strongly throughout the book. 

Mentioning Muna leads directly to the level of misogynistic themes throughout the book; the way Kan’an talks about women made me take a deep breath and roll my eyes more than once. Did he truly want LOVE, as one of his fundamental beliefs, or did he just want a housewife? He even expresses this at one point when suffering from a leg infection.

I think for me, one of the biggest things I struggled to connect with throughout the book is understanding what exactly Kan’an did as part of the resistance. Maybe this is something that’s just known or understood by one who lives in Palestine or who has taken part in any kind of resistance before. Maybe my own privilege and arrogance is showing? I’m not sure. Overall, however, I found it difficult for me to connect the work Kan’an talks about constantly to the actual resistance, because I never actually knew what he did. I felt like there was no connecting line that showed me or demonstrated what his work detailed. What did he write? How did he coordinate things? What was his purpose? What was he actually DOING? I felt like all his comrades were risking their lives more than he, because they were the ones to bring him food, communications, and even drive him from place to place. I’m finding it difficult to explain my feelings about this, so I hope it gets across.

Ultimately, this book was a bust for me. I found it excruciatingly difficult to read. A friend who has read pieces of it said it reads like an academic dissertation. I have not read an academic dissertation before, but I imagine it’s true. The way the story and each chapter hopped around made it really difficult to follow; each chapter we’d start in the present and then jump back to an earlier point in Kan’an’s resistance life. The last few chapters….I don’t even know, honestly. 

I tried. I really did.