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A review by sh07
If He Had Been with Me by Laura Nowlin
emotional
reflective
sad
tense
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? Yes
- Loveable characters? Yes
- Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
4.0
Content Warnings
Minor: Death, Mental illness, and Suicide
I felt this book was slow paced, but it needed to be in order for the ending to have the impact it truly did. From the start you instantly want nothing but for Finny and Autumn to stay together and not grow apart like they did. The book shows the two losing their friendship over time even though neither wanted to. I personally felt sorry for Autumn dealing with her first love and the boy she had always loved, platonically or not. She had no idea what to do and loved them both, her emotional stress was particularly touching and upsetting to me. When the two started to grow closer again it was such a relief that they'd finally realised the feelings they had for eachother. Whilst the story was about Finny and Autumn, i'm glad the side characters had their own plots, like Angies pregnancy and Jamie and Sasha cheating, it made the book seem more real and not a girl next door type love story, it is different. The ending to me is what made the book so gut wrenching. Finny's downfall being his kind heart was the most wholesome yet awful thing to read and his sudden death was a shock. All i wanted was for the two to finally be together, yet they only were for a few pages. That itself would've been a sad ending but I thought it was so great for Laura to not just leave it there, she really wanted to show the effect of his death. To me, the saddest part was not his unfair death, but it was Autumns downward spiral from no longer taking her pills to choosing which knife she should use in Finny's bedroom. This was significant i thought because she once decided with Jamie that they would never die for love, and there she was ready to be with Finny again. Her attempt made the story even deeper, bringing in mental health and the tense last few thoughts she had. But again, Laura didn't just leave it there. At the end it is revealed Autumn was pregnant, leaving her no choice but to stay alive and have a part of Finny with her. I felt so attached to the two characters throughout the whole book and that made the whole story that bit more heartbreaking. I would recommend this to anyone who likes an emotional rollercoaster.