Ehhhh... it's a product of its time.

There is some useful information about shame and how it's instilled in us through various means (family of origin, religion, school, cultural roles) but the book quickly turned into preaching that didn't feel good to me. I liked the first chapter, the second chapter was okay, and the third completely ruined the book for me.

I'm not sure what therapy was like in the 80s, but I felt that the "healing" bit of the book was rather basic and something you can learn within a year of therapy. He also has a hyperfocus on AA and 12-step programs, which I'm sure are helpful to many and were especially helpful at the time, but have also caused a lot of problems for people and, ironically, induced a lot of toxic shame in people that haven't had good experiences.

Although there are some ideas I agree with, such as decentering the ego, healing your inner child, and integrating your "shadow self", the book leaned too heavily on religion for me. I know the author is a theologian, but at times the way he chose to write signalled to the reader that the only way to be "pure" is to be spiritual (preferably Christian). I can acknowledge the importance of spirituality and how feeling unconditionally loved by a higher power can help someone learn to love themselves, but it felt like the author didn't unpack a lot of things that come along with religious teachings, which was ironic because he spends part of the first chapter talking about how religion has played a role in causing toxic shame but completely fails to acknowledge the inherent patriarchal and white supremacist values of Christianity.

There are just too many ramblings about traditional gender roles, biological sex organs, and an eye-rollingly long section about modesty and how a "sex-centered" society leads to immense amounts of shame. There's a conversation to be had about the toxic porn industry, toxic gender roles, and why many women feel that they need to sexualize themselves to be loved, but the nuance was not present here. Oh, and he says that obesity is a result of toxic shame, and says that obesity hasn't been linked to genetic predispositions. Which, again, there is a conversation to be had there, but it just completely lacks nuance and even provides misinformation. Not good.

I was surprised though that LG(not B)T people were acknowledged, but not very well. Of course, there is no mention of how racism, xenophobia, homophobia, transphobia, ableism, sexism, etc. play a role in toxic shame. This could be chalked up to being a product of its time, but it's not like these conversations weren't happening.

I liked what it had to say about shame but didn't necessarily agree with how the focus of the book devolved. It's still worth reading if you're interested in psychology, and I think the information on shame is especially useful if you're just starting your healing journey, but be prepared to go in with a grain of salt and leave some things that don't resonate behind.