This book is very useful in the sense that it gives approaches to communicating step-by-step for conflict, feeling intense emotions, and communicating with people who are very emotionally charged (angry, outraged, etc) and just want to be listened to. A big chunk of this book is not about only active listening, but reflecting back to verify what you heard. 

Some of the author's personal examples didn't sit well with me because a few examples revolved around his need to be comfortable in an environment he wasn't used to, which I don't think should be a problem, since I have the strong opinion that it's ok to be a little uncomfortable if you are the odd one out or in a different cultural environment and that's OK. It's not harmful to be uncomfortable by experiencing new people and places. A lot of his example conversations and language were simplified and not how people talk in real life. I get that the goal is to give an example of how NVC works, but I wish there were examples of conversations that matched how people really talk. They are super corny. Some things in the book feel outdated. At the same time, he seems so incredibly compassionate and patient with people, and understands what humans need in situations more well than people usually vocalize themselves. He seems like an incredible peacekeeper and mediator and those skills are broken into small steps. I think despite the flaws, the basic skills are so useful that anyone can pick and choose what is useful to them. 
 
The 4 main pieces of NVC are: 
1. observations
2. feelings
3. needs
4. requests

Which are put together with
1. using the above to express yourself honestly
2. using the above to receive empathically 

Some major ideas:
-judgements and classifying people, even in our minds, promotes violence
-comparisons are judgements
-most common emotional language sets us up to not take responsibility for our emotions
-separate observation and evaluation and not deliver them together- otherwise people hear criticism 
-distinguish feelings from thoughts
-most conflict and feelings and judgements are expressions of unmet needs
-unmet needs are usually not stated but deflected into anger, conflict, and judgement
-people need to be able to ID emotions and needs and state them, and there are also skills for active listening and how to ask people to state their needs
-other people's actions stimulate our feelings about them, but are not the root cause (chapter 5, this concept is explained a lot more) 
-there are tips on expressing needs
-there are tips on receiving empathically (this is NOT the same as active listening, this is listening and reflecting back in a certain way to have the person re-confirm what they said, and tries to ask and get at their needs and not just the words they are saying or emotions they are having) 
-we need empathy to give empathy and the usual block is pain
-we are not angry by what other people say or do, that is the stimulus, but the driver behind the emotion is usually an unmet need or different older trigger from the past 
-violence comes from the belief that our pain is caused by others and they deserve punishment 
-our need is usually for the other person to hear our pain 
-the book zooms out on the actual underlying emotional causes of anger and violence and why people choose the act that way
-people often interpret intellectualizing as criticism when in a conflict