Neon Gods... What can I say? This one just didn't hit for me. Normally, I write all my notes from my readings afterward in a separate notebook, but this isn't worth the ink. However, I have to vent about this damn book somewhere so it'll be here.

The first 50 pages, I was hooked honestly. The characterizations were pretty great, especially Zeus and Persephone, but I did note that Demeter seemed wildly off base, which only continued to grow throughout the book. Throughout the mythology, Demeter is represented as a caring, but powerful (of course, she's a goddess) woman who literally gave up her duties of looking over the earth and its crops to save her daughter. This is not at all reflected in the text. Instead, Demeter is demonized. The ending tries to fix this depiction but falls woefully and laughably short. Zeus's depiction on the other hand hit the nail on the head. A horned-up, power-hungry old man that fucks and murders indiscriminately fits the bill pretty neatly. However, that may not be as charitable a compliment as some think, as this is the most basic characterization for most Greek retellings. I will say that the detail of having Persephone leave while it's frigid cold is, while maybe not horrendously clever, appreciated. Also, the whole opening act of the book felt like a "Real Housewives" show (and I got that feeling later on too when Persephone and her sisters were "gossiping"), which is so funny. The Olympians and reality TV could 100% go hand in hand if you lean more towards the comedic side of the myths.

Then we meet... Hades. Liked him at first, not going to lie. A conniving and selfish man sees just a tiny shred of opportunity to cause chaos amongst the other Olympians? Of course he's going to take it. But he grew very agitating very quickly. Who I didn't find nearly as offensive were Hermes and Dionysus, but again, these are not difficult characters to portray. One's a god of mischief and travelers while the other is the god of wine and feasts, make them a mailman who likes petty crimes and the other a drunken, gluttonous stoner. And wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am that's what we get in Neon Gods. But then Hades nearly immediately switches his tune, doting on Persephone's feet (and oh my god I kinda laughed at another reviewer saying "Christ does Hades really like feet or something why can't he just move on" but no they were so right for saying that) and becoming caring. This god is cold, the god of the dead, the god of getting screwed over and wanting revenge. After just 30 pages Hades is already none of those things. And I get it! I get it, you want your male MC to be brooding but also sweet, he needs to be good boyfriend material and not a walking red flag, but hello? These are Greek Gods! They are all walking red flags! Hades became a wet rag and before page 100 I was already fucking sick of him. He had no character development, nothing interesting to do or say other than have sex with Persephone while vaguely giving off "mafioso but nice" vibes.

Oh god, and I am beyond annoyed at how quickly they want to jump each others' bones. I mean, it's within an hour of meeting. Persephone is traumatized and all they can do is drool over how "rumpled" the other is. Yeah, I've wanted to kiss a man minutes after meeting him, but not after having the most horrifying experience of my life. Why not let... The characters develop? And grow? Learn to feel comfort in one another? From meeting Hades to their first sexual experience together, it felt like a goddamn speedrun. Why not have their first time together be awkward? Gross? Transactional and clinical? You know, LIKE THEIR LITERAL DEAL WAS?

Another observation I made was Hades mentioning how Hera's role had been whittled down from a queen to a wife, which is, you know, objectively not wrong. But again, this is one good line surrounded by the most mundane lines ever, so all it got out of me was a, "Yeah, that's pretty true, cool," and that was it.

And then... The playroom. Jesus fucking Christ the playroom. Look, I get it, this book is kinky, and maybe that's just not suited for me. But when Hades said Persephone was "topping from the bottom" I fucking tapped out. Okay, Christian Grey. He says this line multiple times. The first time was a flashback, the second and third time was like getting shot. I couldn't stand it, it did feel way too Fifty Shades after that. The saving grace is that this writing quality is mediocre while James's is... Well, you know. My only note at that point was "ew".

And oh my GOD the amount of time "masks" are mentioned. Want a fun drinking game? Take a shot every time someone is wearing a "mask." Again, I get it, it's a metaphor everyone can understand, simple and to the point. But please for the love of GOD come up with something else every once in a while.

So Persephone and Hades fall in love in two days. No, I'm not kidding. They have no bonding, no outward reasons to be "in love" other than really wanting to fuck each other. Congrats, that's lust babe. And then, Persephone has the gall to say, "I'm quirky." Out loud. I... That was my breaking point. The "topping from the bottom" right into "I'm quirky" ten pages later, I had nothing positive to say after that. I was on page 134/380.

There was no emotional or physical buildup, it was straight to dogs out buns out. All Persephone and Hades think about is banging and sucking and fucking. At least with Persephone, we get the much-needed break by hearing her concerns about her sisters and her mother and her grappling with the fear of how others perceive her. Who knew interesting characters lived rich inner lives? Not to mention, there were virtually no stakes or consequences, so the reader's emotional investment felt useless. The payoff was the most basic of orgasms, why not sprinkle a bit of plot in there too? I was dying for any amount of conflict, any chance for these characters to learn and grow, but they never did. The only "conflict" we get is some hand-wavy "our rations are low but it's okay because Hades is always prepared and did it all off-screen!" bullshit.

Then this freaking dumpster fire would reel me back in with Persephone. Again, she was genuinely enjoyable! Her doubts of whether or not she was a good sister and a failure, her painfully debating whether or not leaving was selfish, and if that selfishness was worth it was amazing! Then she realized that the only reason Hades chose her was because Zeus chose her first. This was amazing! I was like yes, yes! Dig into that feeling of betrayal! Address that innately womanly experience of only feeling valuable as an object for men to own! But no, two paragraphs later they just fuck again. Okay. It was clear her characterization was genuine, and had been worked on the most, but the fact that there was so little of it and it mostly went nowhere was horrendously disappointing. I will write out one note I had jotted down on page 77 way before this happens: "Kinda sad she wants to get back at a man for objectifying her by... Objectifying herself to a different man. Hope that's addressed later on." And guess what? It isn't. It never is.

Then ooooo the climax! Zeus is starting a war except, and I'm quoting from my notes again, "How am I supposed to be afraid of Zeus when all I've seen from him is his henchman just Walking Quickly." A threat of nothing that goes nowhere. At this point, I wasn't even shocked, I was just begging myself to finish this damn book.

And then the fucking "twist". I raged so goddamn hard. Persephone makes an amorphous "deal" that I never understood what it was (it could've been the poor writing or me fully dissociating at this point), and then this happens:

Except NOT! Demeter is made throughout the entire book to be cruel and vile. You can't just say she's something else without actually showing it. I was livid at this paragraph. It epitomized the whole book for me. All of the characters are one-note, bare-bones, less than 2D. There is no growth, no investment, no meaningful change in any relationship, and anything that does change is done in a hand-wavy way comfortably off-screen.

This all felt so freaking surface-level and an excuse of a book to write sex scenes with a milquetoast bad boy and a voyeurism kink. 1.75/5 stars because I'm charitable and actually genuinely enjoyed Persephone as a character, and her chapters were nowhere near as impossible to get through as Hades's. I would not recommend it unless you want a mildly better-written Fifty Shades, then yeah sure this is up your alley.