I was in middle school the first time I called myself a feminist. I understood the basics of what that word meant, and I knew I believed in equality for men and women. I didn't think there was anything radical or odd about what I was saying, but middle school boys taught me otherwise. They jeered at me, called me names, told me to go make them a sandwich to make me angry. This just made me even more determined to be a feminist even when my friends tried to persuade me to let it go. I knew even then that it wasn't okay for boys to treat me badly even when everyone else thought it was just natural behavior. It wasn't and still isn't. I came home crying, and that was not okay. My friends did not understand what I meant by saying I was a feminist because they associated feminism with angry women who hated men and yelled loudly about it. It wasn't until we got to high school that many of them told me they couldn't believe they had thought how those boys treated me was okay. They understood feminism more now.

If I could, I would press a copy of We Should All Be Feminists in every young girl's hands. My own loving mother pressed it into my hands as a Valentine's Day present. How can you not love my mom? For the world's most corporate, manufactured romantic holiday, my mom bought copies of this book for me and my friends. (Mom, I love you. You rock!) Sweden has already taken the initiative and given copies to all the girls in high school there. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's adapted TED Talk addresses feminism eloquently and honestly. She said everything women have always been thinking about gender barriers and inequality. These problems do exist everywhere, no matter where you go. I attended all girls' Catholic high school that encouraged us to assume leadership roles and make a difference in the world, and yet there were girls in my government class who did not believe that a woman could be president. They did not believe that women could assume those kind of leadership positions. As Adichie points out,“If we do something over and over, it becomes normal. If we see the same thing over and over, it becomes normal. If only boys are made class monitor, then at some point we will all think, even if unconsciously, that the class monitor has to be a boy.”

As I read We Should All Be Feminists, I couldn't help but think about Roxane Gay's book of essays Bad Feminist. They are somewhat similar in their content, but these two writers have different ideas and lenses through which they see the world. It is encouraging to me that we can have both Roxane Gay and Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, that feminism has so many different voices and faces. We are not just one look and one view-point. A feminist can like lip-gloss and high heels or she can hate them. She can love Marvel movies or prefer romantic comedies. Or maybe she likes both. Once again, Adichie knows where it is at: “I have chosen to no longer be apologetic for my femaleness and my femininity. And I want to be respected in all of my femaleness because I deserve to be.”

Adichie defines feminism like this: "My own definition is a feminist is a man or a woman who says, yes, there’s a problem with gender as it is today and we must fix it, we must do better. All of us, women and men, must do better.” Here's how I define it: men and women should be paid equally for doing the same work. No means no when it comes to sex, and silence doesn't equal yes. What I'm wearing does not matter. How much I have or have not had to drink doesn't matter. Girls can play with Legos and boys can play with Barbies if they chose. Girls did not have feel ashamed for being confident or assertive. Boys don't have to be overly masculine or shy away from vulnerability. I am not how I look, what I wear, or who I sleep with. I am how I act and how I think and how I treat the people around me. It's as simple and as complicate as that.

I wish I could give my past self this book. I wish I could give it to the girls I went to school with. I hope I can give it to my future nieces and nephews and children one day. I highly recommend everyone make this their nonfiction read this year. If you're more of a visual person, please watch Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's TED Talk of the same title. I just want to end this review with the quote that resonated most with me.

“We teach girls shame. “Close your legs. Cover yourself.” We make them feel as though being born female they’re already guilty of something. And so, girls grow up to be women who cannot say they have desire. They grow up to be women who silence themselves. They grow up to be women who cannot say what they truly think. And they grow up — and this is the worst thing we do to girls — they grow up to be women who have turned pretense into an art form.”