Book safety, tropes and tags down below. (For the record, I'm never writing a review through the GR app again. My longest review ever, and the app crashed. Nothing was saved. I should get a medal for not throwing my phone into the ocean. I don't live anywhere near the ocean).

Okay, so I'm not really sure how I feel about this book. In theory, I should have loved it. In some aspects, I actually did! It has an age gap, hurt/comfort, past trauma for both characters, a bi awakening, etc. Basically all the things I would normally eat right up. This book took me longer to finish than it honestly should have, considering all of that.

Even though I was warned about how much drama there was, I really didn't think there could be too much of my literal favorite tropes in the world, but this was a bit OTT. The trauma just kept piling on for both characters, and I ended up being numb to their pain. Pretty sure there's a proper term for that, but I don't remember what it is and I don't feel like googling it. This is the second time I'm writing this, lol.
Edit: a friend called it 'trauma porn', and I can't think of a better way to describe this book.

I feel like I'm sh*tting on this book now, which honestly wasn't my intention. I adore Sloane Kennedy's writing (Locked In Silence is one of my favorite MM books, after all), but this one just didn't click for me. I should mention that Locked In Silence has pretty much all of the same tropes as this one, but it had balance, which made it possible to connect and empathize with the characters. I enjoyed some parts of it a lot, but the over-the-topness is overshadowing it. I'm going to throw in some quotes I really liked at the end to prove I didn't hate the book, it just sounds like it, lol. I'm sorry.

HOWEVER, boy do I need to rant about something. I'll throw a spoiler thingy in though, because I don't want to talk in circles. Mega spoiler warning.

Spoiler

Very early on in the book, Lex unsuccessfully commits suicide. He's saved in time by Gideon. That in itself isn't a problem for me, but they just... forget about it?? Gideon keeps an eye on Lex's insulin supply for a couple of days after, just in case, but that's it! They don't even mention it again! Even though Gideon's wife committed murder/suicide with his youngest daughter! Are you absolutely messing with me?! I'm sorry about all of the exclamation marks, but consider me baffled. Lex should arguably have been in therapy his entire life, atleast as an adult considering all he endured while growing up, but the fact that him getting professional help for his mental health issues isn't mentioned even once is criminal. He says he regretted the attempt as soon as he made it, but that doesn't mean he shouldn't get help. Gideon goes to therapy both alone and with his other daughter, so one would think Lex could get help after trying to unalive himself.
I now realise this is something I have *feelings* about, lol. I might be blowing it hella out of proportion, but there was just so. much. trauma, and very little healing happening.

⚠️⚠️ Blanket spoiler warning ⚠️⚠️
Book safety

Cheating: No
OM drama: No
Third-act breakup: No
POV: 1st person, dual
Strict top/bottom or vers: Strict roles

TW/CW

attempted suicide
death of MCs child (off-page, but described)
murder/suicide (main characters wife and child)
hyperglycemic events
disability (blind MC)
mentions of abuse in foster/group homes
violence
explicit sexual content

Tropes & tags

Age gap (11 years), single dad, estranged daughter, disability, blind MC, chronic illness, diabetes, traumatic backstories, pet dog, bi awakening, millionaire MC, mental health problems

Proof that I enjoyed parts of the book (I really actually did, I promise!):
"It wasn't lost on me that I was about to f*ck another man, but nothing I'd done with Lex had seemed even remotely wrong or uncomfortable. My biggest concern was making sure I didn't hurt him."
This, among other things, is why Gideon is my favorite character (along with Brewer the husky mix). After he got over some of his hangups and started dealing with his grief, he was a lovely character. He didn't even have a huge freakout after realising he was falling for a man for the first time.

"It wasn't that I wasn't sure about my feelings. I was. [...] the effects of my ex's rejection still lingered. I'd survived Grady, but I wouldn't survive Gideon reminding me of the things I already knew. That I wasn't enough. And that in some ways I was too much."

"I'd remember this exact moment where I wasn't blind, sick Lex. I was just Gideon's Lex."