Scan barcode
A review by rjordan19
Bagged by the Groceries! by Fannie Tucker
challenging
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? A mix
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes
2.0
Overall: ⭐️⭐️
Readability: 📖📖📖📖 (It was short, which helped in immensely!)
Feels: 🦋🦋
Emotional Depth: 💔💔
Sexual Tension: ⚡⚡
Romance: 💞
Sensuality: 💋💋💋 (Me, attempting to think about how sensual was it when the yogurt shoots from the cucumber 😆
Sex Scene Length: 🍑🍑🍑 (It’s basically a short story with one sex scene)
Steam Scale (Number of Sex Scenes): 🔥
Humor: Ummmm YES but I was laughing at it and not with it...
Perspective: Third person from the heroine
More character focused or plot focused? umm character??
How did the speed of the story feel? fast
When mains are first on page together: It actually felt like forever before she met THE GROCERIES (about 32% into the short story)
Cliffhanger: No? This ends on a supposed happy for now, but it’s not with the groceries
Epilogue: No
Format: read an e-book version through kindle unlimited
Should I read in order?
No, you don’t have to read in any order and you also shouldn’t read this at all.
Basic plot:
After Ashley acts like a twat at the grocery store, a clever woman curses her to get fucked by her groceries
Give this a try if you want:
- my god, I’m not sure I can entice you here…
- a tongue made of ham?
- a yogurt slinging cucumber?
- maybe you are trying to budget and are about to go grocery shopping and want to lose your appetite?
- human heroine/hero made of literal groceries
Ages:
- Nothing mentioned. The groceries were fresh though!
First line:
Raising the gun, she gripped it with both hands to keep the barrel steady.
My thoughts:
Okay – this one is AWFUL. I have read some weird shit, but this one is one of the worst (along with one of the dinosaur porn ones…). Laughable the whole way through, cringing, maybe some dry heaving. The ending was ridiculous. The whole thing was absurd...I want to go back to who I was when I was just reading about fucking doors and coats.
Cock/Hero Stats:
- he’s a conglomeration of foods, including a lettuce head with olive eyes, a ham tongue, eggplant biceps, a long thick cucumber for a dick and balls that change from nectarines into plums with no reasoning
- semen is literal yogurt
Quotes/thoughts: (Any mistakes are my own)
Unintimidated, the man stepped forward, and she saw that it was no man at all.
It was...the groceries.
Not the jumble of fruits, vegetables and grains that the teenager at Piggly Wiggly had packed into brown bags, but an amalgamation of her purchases, somehow shaped into human form.
---
Our grocery man is just over 6 feet tall
A large sack of flour formed the thing’s abdomen, and it had a broad chest and shoulders composed of packages of ground beef. The rounded slabs of meat gave it a sculpted, muscular look that matched its bulging eggplant biceps.
---
Between those whole-grain thighs hung a long, thick cucumber and a pair of smooth, ripe nectarines.
---
“What do you want from me?”
“To plant my seed. Rise, woman. Give me what is mine.”
---
The heavy sound of his footsteps drew her eyes down to his feet, each one a butternut squash. A twitching movement drew her eyes higher, and she saw that his cucumber cock had begun to rise, angling upward like a flagpole jutting from the side of a building.
---
He rubbed her with the slow undulating rhythm of cornstalks swaying in a gentle summer wind.
---
Ashley found herself kneeling in front of Zaka’s cucumber manhood, the warm bedroom light shining on the mottled red and purple of his plum balls.
---
“Suckle my fruits, woman,” Zaka commanded. “Taste me.”
---
His thick, slightly curved length felt tight and perfect, a well-oiled sword sliding into a supple leather sheath.
---
“Come on baby,” she pleaded. “Gimme them groceries! Gimme them fucking groceries!”
He did!
---
Inside her, Zaka’s cucumber cock swelled like a ripe seedpod ready to burst, and she felt something erupt from its tip in thick, warm gouts. A vague image played across her mind: an empty yogurt container lying on its size in the kitchen. Now she knew where the yogurt had gone.
Content warnings: (This should be taken as a minimum because I could have missed some!)
- there’s usage of voodoo culture brought by Haitian immigrants
- classism and ignorant comments regarding immigrant, homelessness, etc
- gun usage
Locations of kisses/intimate scenes:
Safe sex: Oh, no way. That cucumber had who knows what on it and slung yogurt all up in her womb
Hows the consent? Not good - definitely non-conned by the groceries until she feels the cucumber size then she's into it
45% - fingering for her, bj for the grocery man’s cucumber, then missionary to doggy
Readability: 📖📖📖📖 (It was short, which helped in immensely!)
Feels: 🦋🦋
Emotional Depth: 💔💔
Sexual Tension: ⚡⚡
Romance: 💞
Sensuality: 💋💋💋 (Me, attempting to think about how sensual was it when the yogurt shoots from the cucumber 😆
Sex Scene Length: 🍑🍑🍑 (It’s basically a short story with one sex scene)
Steam Scale (Number of Sex Scenes): 🔥
Humor: Ummmm YES but I was laughing at it and not with it...
Perspective: Third person from the heroine
More character focused or plot focused? umm character??
How did the speed of the story feel? fast
When mains are first on page together: It actually felt like forever before she met THE GROCERIES (about 32% into the short story)
Cliffhanger: No? This ends on a supposed happy for now, but it’s not with the groceries
Epilogue: No
Format: read an e-book version through kindle unlimited
Should I read in order?
No, you don’t have to read in any order and you also shouldn’t read this at all.
Basic plot:
After Ashley acts like a twat at the grocery store, a clever woman curses her to get fucked by her groceries
Give this a try if you want:
- my god, I’m not sure I can entice you here…
- a tongue made of ham?
- a yogurt slinging cucumber?
- maybe you are trying to budget and are about to go grocery shopping and want to lose your appetite?
- human heroine/hero made of literal groceries
Ages:
- Nothing mentioned. The groceries were fresh though!
First line:
Raising the gun, she gripped it with both hands to keep the barrel steady.
My thoughts:
Okay – this one is AWFUL. I have read some weird shit, but this one is one of the worst (along with one of the dinosaur porn ones…). Laughable the whole way through, cringing, maybe some dry heaving. The ending was ridiculous. The whole thing was absurd...I want to go back to who I was when I was just reading about fucking doors and coats.
Cock/Hero Stats:
- he’s a conglomeration of foods, including a lettuce head with olive eyes, a ham tongue, eggplant biceps, a long thick cucumber for a dick and balls that change from nectarines into plums with no reasoning
- semen is literal yogurt
Quotes/thoughts: (Any mistakes are my own)
Unintimidated, the man stepped forward, and she saw that it was no man at all.
It was...the groceries.
Not the jumble of fruits, vegetables and grains that the teenager at Piggly Wiggly had packed into brown bags, but an amalgamation of her purchases, somehow shaped into human form.
---
Our grocery man is just over 6 feet tall
A large sack of flour formed the thing’s abdomen, and it had a broad chest and shoulders composed of packages of ground beef. The rounded slabs of meat gave it a sculpted, muscular look that matched its bulging eggplant biceps.
---
Between those whole-grain thighs hung a long, thick cucumber and a pair of smooth, ripe nectarines.
---
“What do you want from me?”
“To plant my seed. Rise, woman. Give me what is mine.”
---
The heavy sound of his footsteps drew her eyes down to his feet, each one a butternut squash. A twitching movement drew her eyes higher, and she saw that his cucumber cock had begun to rise, angling upward like a flagpole jutting from the side of a building.
---
He rubbed her with the slow undulating rhythm of cornstalks swaying in a gentle summer wind.
---
Ashley found herself kneeling in front of Zaka’s cucumber manhood, the warm bedroom light shining on the mottled red and purple of his plum balls.
---
“Suckle my fruits, woman,” Zaka commanded. “Taste me.”
---
His thick, slightly curved length felt tight and perfect, a well-oiled sword sliding into a supple leather sheath.
---
“Come on baby,” she pleaded. “Gimme them groceries! Gimme them fucking groceries!”
He did!
---
Inside her, Zaka’s cucumber cock swelled like a ripe seedpod ready to burst, and she felt something erupt from its tip in thick, warm gouts. A vague image played across her mind: an empty yogurt container lying on its size in the kitchen. Now she knew where the yogurt had gone.
Content warnings: (This should be taken as a minimum because I could have missed some!)
- there’s usage of voodoo culture brought by Haitian immigrants
- classism and ignorant comments regarding immigrant, homelessness, etc
- gun usage
Locations of kisses/intimate scenes:
Safe sex:
Hows the consent?
45% - fingering for her, bj for the grocery man’s cucumber, then missionary to doggy