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A review by sphynxreads
The Archon of Peace by Juddy Anderson C. Punzalan
Did not finish book. Stopped at 10%.
<i>The author provided me an electronic copy of the book in exchange for an honest review.</i>
DNF after Chapter 6 (83 pages, 11%)
DNF rating: 1/5 (I don't use Goodreads ratings for DNFs).
This book showed a lot of promise to me. With stunning artwork (the book covers as well as the map), an interesting blurb, and quite a number of positive reviews, I was ready to be sucked into this world and this story. I did not have very high expectations since this is a debut novel and wanted to be as open-minded as possible since I want to boost more new Filipino authors.
However, even just 6 chapters in, I have already seen a lot of problems that even if I did finish this book, I sincerely doubt my opinion would change. (This is a rare statement for me to make as you would notice that this is the first book I have ever DNF'd.) From chapter 1, these problems were already evident, and I kept pushing myself to just read one more chapter in the hopes that my mind would change to no avail.
Let's talk about the writing. I don't know how much editing this book has gone through, but from the get-go, it is evident that it needs quite a lot more.
- Early on, I noticed a few punctuation and grammatical errors. I started listing them to inform the author, but after noticing <i>way</i> too many of them in addition to a number of typographical errors, I realized that this was not my responsibility as a reviewer. This is a job for editors, alpha, and beta readers pre-publication which I don't think this book has gone through.
- I found both the prose and the dialogue very awkward. There were a lot of things that could have easily been worded better. It is evident early on that this book is dialogue-heavy. However, even large chunks of dialogue don't indicate clearly who is speaking.
- There is a significant lack of description for anything. There is little to no attempt at world-building: only descriptions of what is there (ie a lake, a hall, etc.) but not what it looks like. None of the senses were properly given attention in order to evoke a clear image and feel in the mind of the reader. Overall, a lot more telling than showing. There is also little to no attempt at describing characters, both physical characteristics and personality. This makes it hard for the reader to develop any attachment to either character or setting.
- The pacing was also very odd and jarring for multiple reasons. Even though the plot feels very fast (ie multiple back-to-back action sequences), it feels very directionless and without purpose especially since the motivations of the characters are unclear. There are also way too many paragraph breaks. In fact, most paragraphs only consist of one sentence. Some of these are run-on sentences that should have been broken up in order to make the flow less awkward. There are also too many section breaks, even in parts where they were not necessary.
- Along with the jarring pacing are the awkward POV switches. It seems that the story hasn't been able to decide whether to stick to first-person, third-person limited, or third-person omniscient. For example, in a certain section, the first-person narrator (Winzer) would clearly indicate how another character (Dash) felt.
A note on disclaimers provided by the author with the review copy: I was informed before reading that character development is not a big part of the story and that the writing style is straightforward and fast-paced. In my opinion and according to my taste, this makes it difficult for the reader to be invested in anything. Like I said previously, without proper world-building and character description, it is hard to get attached to the story. As someone who likes both plot-driven and character-driven stories, I found myself dissatisfied with the overall execution of the story which leads me to my final thoughts.
<i>Final Thoughts:</i>
I strongly feel that
1. This book has some potential but badly needs some rewriting as well as a good (even if small) team of editors, alpha and beta readers, and potentially sensitivity readers.
2. Given the current state of the book, it seems to me that without having to rewrite anything, this story would best be retold either in graphic novel format (after all the cover and map artists have done an excellent job), or video game format. This, again, is mainly because of the significant lack of description.
3. I cannot recommend this book to any group of readers based on tastes. I am inclined to think that plot-driven readers might like this, but even still am very hesitant about it. (If you liked this book, let me know how and why it worked for you.)
<i>Lastly, I would request the author not to comment on this review publicly and look into discussions regarding authors in reviewer spaces.</i>
DNF after Chapter 6 (83 pages, 11%)
DNF rating: 1/5 (I don't use Goodreads ratings for DNFs).
This book showed a lot of promise to me. With stunning artwork (the book covers as well as the map), an interesting blurb, and quite a number of positive reviews, I was ready to be sucked into this world and this story. I did not have very high expectations since this is a debut novel and wanted to be as open-minded as possible since I want to boost more new Filipino authors.
However, even just 6 chapters in, I have already seen a lot of problems that even if I did finish this book, I sincerely doubt my opinion would change. (This is a rare statement for me to make as you would notice that this is the first book I have ever DNF'd.) From chapter 1, these problems were already evident, and I kept pushing myself to just read one more chapter in the hopes that my mind would change to no avail.
Let's talk about the writing. I don't know how much editing this book has gone through, but from the get-go, it is evident that it needs quite a lot more.
- Early on, I noticed a few punctuation and grammatical errors. I started listing them to inform the author, but after noticing <i>way</i> too many of them in addition to a number of typographical errors, I realized that this was not my responsibility as a reviewer. This is a job for editors, alpha, and beta readers pre-publication which I don't think this book has gone through.
- I found both the prose and the dialogue very awkward. There were a lot of things that could have easily been worded better. It is evident early on that this book is dialogue-heavy. However, even large chunks of dialogue don't indicate clearly who is speaking.
- There is a significant lack of description for anything. There is little to no attempt at world-building: only descriptions of what is there (ie a lake, a hall, etc.) but not what it looks like. None of the senses were properly given attention in order to evoke a clear image and feel in the mind of the reader. Overall, a lot more telling than showing. There is also little to no attempt at describing characters, both physical characteristics and personality. This makes it hard for the reader to develop any attachment to either character or setting.
- The pacing was also very odd and jarring for multiple reasons. Even though the plot feels very fast (ie multiple back-to-back action sequences), it feels very directionless and without purpose especially since the motivations of the characters are unclear. There are also way too many paragraph breaks. In fact, most paragraphs only consist of one sentence. Some of these are run-on sentences that should have been broken up in order to make the flow less awkward. There are also too many section breaks, even in parts where they were not necessary.
- Along with the jarring pacing are the awkward POV switches. It seems that the story hasn't been able to decide whether to stick to first-person, third-person limited, or third-person omniscient. For example, in a certain section, the first-person narrator (Winzer) would clearly indicate how another character (Dash) felt.
A note on disclaimers provided by the author with the review copy: I was informed before reading that character development is not a big part of the story and that the writing style is straightforward and fast-paced. In my opinion and according to my taste, this makes it difficult for the reader to be invested in anything. Like I said previously, without proper world-building and character description, it is hard to get attached to the story. As someone who likes both plot-driven and character-driven stories, I found myself dissatisfied with the overall execution of the story which leads me to my final thoughts.
<i>Final Thoughts:</i>
I strongly feel that
1. This book has some potential but badly needs some rewriting as well as a good (even if small) team of editors, alpha and beta readers, and potentially sensitivity readers.
2. Given the current state of the book, it seems to me that without having to rewrite anything, this story would best be retold either in graphic novel format (after all the cover and map artists have done an excellent job), or video game format. This, again, is mainly because of the significant lack of description.
3. I cannot recommend this book to any group of readers based on tastes. I am inclined to think that plot-driven readers might like this, but even still am very hesitant about it. (If you liked this book, let me know how and why it worked for you.)
<i>Lastly, I would request the author not to comment on this review publicly and look into discussions regarding authors in reviewer spaces.</i>