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A review by jiujensu
Let's Talk about Hard Things by Anna Sale
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
5.0
I'm not a regular listener to her podcast, so I came in not knowing too much about what to expect. The first sections on death and sex were okay, but the most helpful sections were the final ones dealing with money and power and identity - which end up being the dreaded political discussions/ fights so commonplace the last few years.
This quote caught my attention: "A hurt man can be a handful. But a hurt man inspited by the conviction that he's owed something can be dangerous." It's something I've read in a few different contexts and is at the heart of domestic violence, school shootings, patriarchy, and white supremacy.
She talks about maybe in the talking to family section that we have competing needs to both distinguish ourselves from everyone else and also be heard, understood, and belong. Maybe this need for difference and sameness accounts for some of our arguments in religion and politics or what makes them feel so difficult to resolve sometimes.
About 78% in she talks about a trans man named Liam who descibed two different purposes for speaking up, when he decided to. One is for calling out, making a record, telling what's wrong and why. Other times he'll tread carefully and meet them where they are in order to preserve a connection. That's such an important distinction that I've sometimes gotten tangled up - another source of difficulty and dissatisfaction with my political discussions. He also has a trip wire (i feel that) that signals its time to get out of that situation. I have used the different approaches for sure, but i guess i thought it was closer to hypocrisy. I should stop in the moment, recognize or choose which is prudent and don't chain myself to the conversation like it's my sole duty to make them understand in this hour why a group deserves rights or humanity as much as they do.
At 79% in, i liked this, it explains so much:
"...in which we are listening to how others see the world and asking whether they can hear how our experience is different. Handling these conversations poorly can severely damage or even ruin a relationship. When we assume too much about what knowledge we share or leap into the fray to compare experiences that half rhyme, we can throw the whole outcome into jeopardy. Identity conversations are about creating space for differences."
At 88% in there's a really helpful section. Discussions of white privelige and male privelige - choosing to engage vs noting and moving on, examining our defensiveness when we are racist or sexist, niceness vs relationship to power.
"Noticing the ways privelige shapes your life is just the start. Next comes admitting and reconsidering the ways that privelige has shaped what you consider yourself entitled to and how you view others."
Really good book. When it started, I wasn't so sure, but this is incredibly relevant to what happened to so many in 2016 and various other upheavals, the breakdown of relationships, loneliness we experience and the dire need for introspection.
This quote caught my attention: "A hurt man can be a handful. But a hurt man inspited by the conviction that he's owed something can be dangerous." It's something I've read in a few different contexts and is at the heart of domestic violence, school shootings, patriarchy, and white supremacy.
She talks about maybe in the talking to family section that we have competing needs to both distinguish ourselves from everyone else and also be heard, understood, and belong. Maybe this need for difference and sameness accounts for some of our arguments in religion and politics or what makes them feel so difficult to resolve sometimes.
About 78% in she talks about a trans man named Liam who descibed two different purposes for speaking up, when he decided to. One is for calling out, making a record, telling what's wrong and why. Other times he'll tread carefully and meet them where they are in order to preserve a connection. That's such an important distinction that I've sometimes gotten tangled up - another source of difficulty and dissatisfaction with my political discussions. He also has a trip wire (i feel that) that signals its time to get out of that situation. I have used the different approaches for sure, but i guess i thought it was closer to hypocrisy. I should stop in the moment, recognize or choose which is prudent and don't chain myself to the conversation like it's my sole duty to make them understand in this hour why a group deserves rights or humanity as much as they do.
At 79% in, i liked this, it explains so much:
"...in which we are listening to how others see the world and asking whether they can hear how our experience is different. Handling these conversations poorly can severely damage or even ruin a relationship. When we assume too much about what knowledge we share or leap into the fray to compare experiences that half rhyme, we can throw the whole outcome into jeopardy. Identity conversations are about creating space for differences."
At 88% in there's a really helpful section. Discussions of white privelige and male privelige - choosing to engage vs noting and moving on, examining our defensiveness when we are racist or sexist, niceness vs relationship to power.
"Noticing the ways privelige shapes your life is just the start. Next comes admitting and reconsidering the ways that privelige has shaped what you consider yourself entitled to and how you view others."
Really good book. When it started, I wasn't so sure, but this is incredibly relevant to what happened to so many in 2016 and various other upheavals, the breakdown of relationships, loneliness we experience and the dire need for introspection.