Book safety, content warnings, and tropes down below.

There was a part of me that relished Beck’s hatred. I wanted him to hate me—needed him to hate me, because it was the only thing I was deserving of anymore. I wanted him to hurt me, too, for the things I’d done.

ARC review

Wow! I wasn’t 100% sure if this book would be for me, but the concept really sounded amazing and I’m so glad I signed up for an ARC. I spent the first 40% (ish) of the book crying a lot. It was really fucking emotional, but so, so good. I love books that make me cry.

I’m unsure of the actual number of pages as of yet, but this book is a thicc boi. A couple of brief moments it seemed a little slow and repetitive, but mostly the amount of words were put to very good use. Gavin’s healing and entire journey happens slowly. It’s not easy and it’s not sudden, and I’m so thankful for that. It made the story believable. Gosh, I hurt so much for Gavin.

Beck was equally lovely. He might seem a tad too ‘perfect’ for a minute, but he has his struggles too, and I really appreciated that. The MCs had a bond as kids and teenagers that really couldn’t be broken, even when it seemed it had.

I wondered briefly if the boy I’d known was somewhere behind that wall, banging his fists against it, wishing he could find a way out.

Beautiful story of healing, love and redemption. Highly recommend.

(Check the content warnings btw, it’s a heavy one.)

He shoved his hands into my hair, gripping my head with both hands, hissed, “I fucking hate you,” and crushed his lips to mine.

⬇️ Blanket spoiler warning ⬇️

⚠️ Tropes & content tags ⚠️
Redemption story
Childhood best friends to enemies to friends to lovers
Size difference
Wrestling
Slow burn
Legal guardian for younger sibling
Forced proximity
Wrestling as foreplay
Healing from abuse
Hair-pulling
First times
Dirty talk
Begging in bed
‘princess’
Loud in bed
Edging
No gag reflex
Possessive MCs
Hands-free orgasms
Hurt/comfort
Dominant in bed
Therapy
High heat
Flip-fucking

⚠️ Content warning ⚠️
MC abusing steroids
Details of withdrawal and side effects of drug use
On-page injection of steroids
— all drug use is two years before the main story takes place, but still on page —
Homophobic parent (on page)
Death of step parent (past, off page)
Mentions of alcoholic parent
Abandoned by parent (past)
Homophobic MC (because of homophobic parent)
On-page violence between MCs (before relationship)
Episode of extreme mental distress (on page)
Suicidal ideation/suicidal thoughts (several instances, on page)
MC hospitalized
MC physically abused by parent (past and present, on page)
MC verbally and emotionally abused by parent (past and present)
On-page vomiting
MC physically attacking SCs (on-page, during ‘roid rage’)
Parent suicide (past, some details)
Alcohol consumption (on-page intoxication)
Alcohol abuse by MC (drinking to forget/be numb, not addicted)
Symptoms of depression
Homelessness (MC)
Off-page jailtime
Injured MC (self-inflicted during panic)
Fear of abandonment
Self harm (hitting and kicking things)
Misogynistic comments by MC and SC
Internalized homophobia (MC)
Prescription drug use (anti-depressants, painkillers)
MC1 orgasming from grinding on MC2 while asleep — panic attack when realizing (MC2 not upset)
Explicit sexual content
MC taking high dose of painkillers (once, on-page intoxication)
Brief mention of drug overdose and death (unnamed character, past)
AA meetings with details of addiction (minor characters)
On-page panic attacks
Rough sex and hair-pulling
Occasional spanks during sex
MC attacked and left naked while unconscious/drunk (undressed off page, no sexual assault)
MC struggling with aggression
Mild testicle torture
Edging/orgasm control
Facefucking
MC arrested on page (brief jailtime)
Police brutality (hostile and rough handling)
MC bullying SCs and other MC (past, on page)

⚠️Book safety ⚠️
Cheating: No
Other person drama: No
Breakup: No
POV: 1st person, dual
Genre: Contemporary romance
Pairing: M/M
Strict roles or versatile: Versatile
Main characters’ age: 24 and 24
Series: Interconnected standalone
Kindle Unlimited: Yes
Pages: 150k words (ish)
Happy ending: Yes


My loathing for the person he’d become came nowhere close to overshadowing the sorrow in my heart for the boy he’d been. For the life he could’ve chosen for himself, but hadn’t.

“You promise you’ll always be my best friend?” “Yeah, I promise. Of course I promise.” “You sure?” “How many times do I gotta say it? I promise I’ll always be your best friend. Nothing will ever change that. I can’t think of a single thing that would ever make me stop loving you. You’re the sky and I’m the stars, Becky. We’re stuck together. Okay?” “Okay.”

I clung to his contempt like it was the deepest kind of love, because in my life, to me, it might as well have been.



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