Dit is echt zo’n heftig boek. Er is in de opvoeding niet echt een schuldige aan te wijzen maar Max… de drang om hem even een stevige knuffel te geven is zo groot. Wat tragisch en mooi geschreven. 

This book was like nothing I was expecting but so much more at the same time. A real doozy. The first 20 pages put me in such a headspin because of how graphic and intense the sexual assault scene was, I had to literally put down the book and take a few breathers before continuing on. It just went from 0 to 100 in such a short space of time that it threw me for a loop for a second and I needed to find my bearings. I wasn't exactly triggered (I'm usually pretty good with handling heavy issues for the most part), but I had to step away for a bit after that. Basically, this book had me so incredibly invested in the characters from the get go.

I loved the alternating perspectives we got. There were characters that made me absolutely frustrated and infuriated (my first instinct was to constantly get defensive when it came to Max because I was always, ALWAYS on his side), but that's the beauty of the writing in this. The characters just felt so, amazingly human. There were moments when I was completely in agreement with a certain character, and then I would read things from another perspective that would make me question that. That's wonderful writing imo. When you can empathise with a certain character but then feel frustrated with them when the same thing is told from another character's pov. The true beauty of the way the characters are written in this is that, although I got angry with them at times (Karen!!), I could generally understand why they acted and reacted the way that they did. They just felt so intricate and distinct. The only character I truly despised in this was Hunter tbh (for obvious reasons).

I've read many, many queer and trans novels, but I've never read a book that focussed on an intersex character before...reading this was just so eye-opening for me. It's made me realise just how incredibly sad it is that there's so little intersex representation. Although intersexuality falls under the LGBTQIA+ umbrella, we very rarely hear about it, so there's so much that's unknown about it. It broke my heart how alone and isolated Max felt throughout this whole novel because he didn't have anyone he could relate to or talk to about his intersexuality. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult this would be for someone, let alone having to handle being raped, getting pregnant AND having an abortion on top of all that. Not to mention the intense gender dysphoria Max felt because of everything that happened to hi,. There was so much heaped on poor Max and although I got through this book fairly fast (because it was so GOOD), it was also a real heavy one to get through. There were so many moments I had to put it down to breathe and tear up for a moment. I just had such emotional and visceral reactions to everything that happened in this book.

Another I liked was the contrast between Max and Daniel. The way that Max kept so much of himself hidden to please his parents and everyone around him. How he was so scared to rock the boat because of the trauma of his mother leaving when he was younger. Whereas Daniel was the complete opposite. He was so honest the whole way through. Never afraid to stand up for himself (even if that was also incredibly frustrating at times). I really liked their relationship. It was very sweet. I do feel like Daniel was a bit neglected towards the end though when everything was unravelling for Max, and wished we had a bit more insight into how he was feeling around this time too.

I feel like there's so much more that I can say about this book, but I'm still reeling a little from having finished it. It was such a wonderful novel and I just know that I'm going to be thinking about it for a long time to come.

4.5/5

I feel like readers, regardless of their gender or sexual identity, will be able to relate to our main character, Max. At its core this is a story of a teenager trying to navigate an incredibly tough time in their life while trying to stay as ‘normal’ as possible. 

The complexity of the story lies in the fact that Max is intersex (of which there are variations, which I didn’t know) and is violated by a trusted person, which has a ripple effect, altering Max’s life and the lives of those closest to him.

The story is multi-POV, being told from the following points of view:
* Max
* Max’s mum
* Max’s brother
* Max’s dad
* Max’s doctor 
* Max’s girlfriend 

It was important to me that each POV was explored, rather than having the whole story told solely from Max’s perspective. It made the story feel more real.

One of the biggest themes of the book by far, was bodily autonomy. What right did Max’s offender have to violate Max? How much information about Max’s condition should the Dr/ his parents have volunteered? What is the appropriate way to handle a teen pregnancy and who should be handling those decisions?

I think it’s incredibly fitting that I wrote this review on the day that the US Supreme Court overturned the Roe v Wade decision. If I were a less cynical person, I’d believe those Justice’s and the ‘pro-lifers’ would be more compassionate towards Max. Come to think of it, it’s probably a good thing the story is set in the UK.

Content warnings:
⚠️Rape
⚠️Abortion 
⚠️Attempted suicide