Reviews with content warning for Alcoholism - Just by Looking at Him

There was so much I loved about this book.

The writing style reminded me of how I talk with my friends. There were many references that I knew - both the overlap of my tastes and the right time for these references to feel relevant. Not just because of their chronological context, but more the level of importance those cultural touchstones have for me at this point in time.

Then there was an actual messy queer relationship - this book highlights that we deserve representation across a variety of circumstances. Queer relationships do not have to be perfect, and our media should reflect that.

I also enjoyed the questions O’Connell poses in the way we view disability. I’ve been around different disabilities my whole life - as well as finding later in life diagnoses for myself - but it was so refreshing to read something that encouraged the reader to consider their own exposure to disability whilst presenting one example of what that might look like.

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macykey's review

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funny lighthearted fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.75

This book was such an easy read. The elder millennial humor dates it quite a bit, but I also feel like that’s relevant because that’s how a lot of people interact now. And plus, that’s my style of humor, so I enjoyed it. It read like I was on FaceTime with a friend of mine. The main character is fallible and frustrating and annoying, but I think that’s the point. Just because he’s gay and disabled doesn’t automatically mean that he should be a saint. There are some shitty gay people and some shitty disabled people. And I 100% get the thought process of ‘I’m so tired of people commenting on everything wrong with my body, so I just want someone to treat me normal for just a second. Even if I have to pay them’. I also enjoyed the way that addiction was portrayed. It’s not always so fucking depressing and obvious. Sometimes it just kind of sneaks up on you. And sometimes you can get addicted to everyday things or people.

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bapm's review

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funny fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.25

Decent book. Few audible laughs.

The intention was for us to appreciate the growth of the protagonist, however, the hurtful things he did weren't addressed nor resolved fully

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offbrandclubsoda's review

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challenging emotional reflective fast-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? No
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.0

This book had so much potential. As a Queer person with cerebral palsy, O’Connell captured parts of my experience beautifully: the internalized ableism, the subconscious desire to be objectified, the anger and resentment, the self destruction. While it was hard for me to read and sit with these parts, they were raw and honest and I appreciated that.

However, the plot ultimately fell flat for me. O’Connell did such a great job at setting the main character up as the “villain” but seemed to phone in the character arc. It felt like the majority of the book was spent develop the gritty, unlikeable parts of Elliott, only for him to wrap it all up in a couple of pages. Not to mention the glaring irony of River accusing Elliott of viewing him like a “manic pixie sex worker” only for Elliott to do EXACTLY THAT with Jonas. I’m sorry but Jonas really was a manic pixie crip character who served only to prop Elliott up. Elliott’s self reflection and ultimate growth came solely through his sexual and romantic connection with Jonas. I would have much preferred to see him achieve this on his own. Other disabled people are not here to serve as a mirror for your own ableism and self hatred!

I also took issue with the simplistic view of recovery. I think Elliott’s drinking problem was well-written and sheds light on a side of substance use that is often ignored, but the recovery aspect was so poorly done. This man really read one book about alcoholism and was cured.

This book also frustrated me because it was so similar to O’Connell’s memoir “I’m Special and Other Lies we Tell Ourselves. “ I don’t think many people read this book, and only know of O’Connell from the Netflix adaptation of the book, but let me tell you, “Just by Looking at Him” contains so many recycled jokes and plot points that it is essentially a memoir 2.0 written under the guise of fiction.

Finally, this is just my own personal taste, but I strongly disliked the writing style of the book. O’Connell tends to write as if he’s texting, which not only screams elder-millennial, but in my opinion, dilutes otherwise hard-hitting scenes.

Overall, this book feels like a first draft. I am excited to see my experience represented so accurately in O’Connell’s writing, but I think there is still a lot of work to do.

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ediyank's review

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emotional funny reflective medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? Yes
Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.0

If you like Ryan O'Connell's other work you will like this book. If you find his work grating, you will find more of the same. The writing is written in a very IYKYK style with a lot of pop culture references and references that are common within the white gay male community. That being said I laughed out loud and scared my cats multiple times.

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