I loved this. Maybe I’m biased as a disabled queer, but this was great. It’s not often I laugh out loud reading a book but I did so several times while reading this. Definitely rec to my fellow queers (and allies or whatever)

If you like Ryan O'Connell's other work you will like this book. If you find his work grating, you will find more of the same. The writing is written in a very IYKYK style with a lot of pop culture references and references that are common within the white gay male community. That being said I laughed out loud and scared my cats multiple times. 

My thanks to Atria Books for both a digital copy of this book through Netgalley and a physical copy for review consideration.

Let me start this review with a readerly tip: When an author tells you how to read their book, listen to them.

I started this one in little snippets when I could get them during off time at a conference, and I was really not vibing with the book at all. I found it forced and inauthentic. When I got home, I sat with it for a more concentrated window, and I found myself vibing with it and genuinely enjoyed the storytelling. That's when a lightbulb went off in my head, and I realized, "Oh, O'Connell wrote short chapters on purpose to propel the reader, and this is a story that's meant to be devoured." So take my advice and binge read this book.

This book is really funny and full of a lot of charm. It is clear why O'Connell's storytelling in shows like Special and Queer As Folk has been so endearing to audiences. Also, as July is Disability Pride Month, I think it's important to highlight the important anti-ableist messaging he shoves in here. Make sure you are always confronting the biases you've internalized.

My one gripe with the book is that it gets a little overly earnest at the end. I get that it is very important to confront your addictions and divorce yourself from enabling relationships. However, at the risk of sounding like an alcoholic, the staunch sobriety message that O'Connell takes us on to round out this narrative feels a tad preachy.

TL;DR - A tad over-earnest, but incredibly charming

Quotes:
How strange that we can saw off certain parts of ourselves, so we remain confident in one area, an area that is challenging for other, only to feel completely honest in another. (42)
I depended on the validation of my coworkers, and when I didn't get that, it threw me off my axis and took away my superpower, which is disarming people and winning their approval. If I wasn't the laser-focused perfectionist perpetually triumphing over something, who was I? (126)
Devon never became a successful writer, but he does ad copy in Portland and lives with his husband, named Jarrett. We follow each other on Instagram. Last week I "liked" a picture of him kayaking, and he wrote, "congrats!" on an Instagram post about my career. What can I say? Modern life is hell. (149)
I'm learning the more you want things, the more likely you end up with nothing. (197)

Thanks to Atria Books for the free copy of this book.

 - JUST BY LOOKING AT HIM is at turns both hilarious and serious. It gives readers an unflinching look at Eliot's slide into self-hatred as he burns down his entire life piece by piece.
- I wish this book had leaned harder into the satire/absurd elements. It was there, particularly in the scenes at Eliot's job, but I don't think it went far enough.
- There were also a few passages where the main character just flat out stated the lessons learned or parallels drawn between incidents instead of trusting the reader to find it for themselves.
- All that said, I'm here for books about queer people being messy, terrible people. I'm interested to see what O'Connell writes next.